Why friendzone isn’t the end

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friendzone
friendzone
The “free trial” of 2020, the year that will bring you that glory and happiness that you never got, just ended. You already want to give up? Well, I understand you perfectly. But friendzone is not the end!

No, I’m not living on the edge and no, the universe doesn’t hate me, but life is not exactly pink. I’m 17 and I just realized that in a few months I’m turning 18. I still have to deal with the feelings of a “can’t make up my mind” teen. For a long time, I wanted to write about what makes me love my life. I wanted to write about how I got to live the life I live but I never had the motivation I needed. But now I got it. Right now when I expected the least. Listen to my words, my dear, the one who is reading this! Your life does not stop at friendzone!

 

Have you ever been so in love and determined to say everything you feel for a person in a message, that it would make your heart skip a beat every second after you sent it? I did – tonight.

I always like people around me to know how I feel about them, and because sometimes I’m such a jerk to myself, tonight I gathered all my strength and courage and I texted him that message.

What did he tell me? I received a super diplomatic reply, which confirms what I already knew, that we’re just friends. Honestly, I knew where that message would lead but…

to be jealous

 

Sometimes, this stubbornness that I have of being me until the last second kills me.

Everything is just fine, and then after a few minutes of sadness and despair (God, I can’t live anymore), I start smiling and feeling super happy. And why exactly? I just felt that way. For once in this life I stopped doing whatever I was doing and I said, “Well, I’m strong!”. That’s what I did in the first place.

 

Who the hell wakes up at 1 AM just to leave a message to X telling him how she’s feeling about him?

Of course, only someone as crazy as I am would. And, even though I said I didn’t want anything with anyone anymore, that I wanted to heal from my last relationship, I still listened to that inner spark that pulls me through all the crap. “If not now, when?”

 

I think I’ve said hundreds, millions of times “If not now, when?” And I also did that many memorable things.

And no, I don’t feel bad that some things in my life may come out the same way tonight’s one did. This is how life is you do not always need success. It is more exciting this way. 

 

I don’t think anyone can imagine how good I can sometimes feel when things don’t happen how I planned. I often have fun and laugh at myself after something goes wrong. The friendzone made my cry, not it makes me smile.

 

Ok, ok… Let’s take this: I had a super short relationship, which ended as fast as it had started, but what was there left to do after we broke up: just stand there and cry?

No, I didn’t even talk about it. I went out and felt incredible because you can’t halt the present moment by sitting there and crying because of the past. What if I quickly ran home and sat down crying? I would have missed a great time out with people who love me and who always make me smile.

Why friendzone isn't the end

 

It was not right to stay at home and cry more than the relationship lasted. Let’s be serious!

I didn’t get over it completely after that night out, but I was able to go home and smile, because: “Yeah, There is plenty of fish in the sea!”. But I found out one thing, one which otherwise I would have found out much later if not for this relationship: I learned that there are people out there who are simply satisfied with the feces they’re currently living in. You won’t ever be able to help or change them, so stop trying to and move on.

 

And yes, I know it can be painful.

I’m that person who emotionally attaches herself super fast and I really want the world around me to be happy. But there’s no point in fighting with them to make them happy. You don’t like looking at my happy attitude and would rather stay there killed by depression and pulled back by anxiety? Okay, I understand. I will find someone else to share my happiness with and laugh with. The one because of whom you are stuck in friendzone is not the only cool person!

 

We need to stay on the move and always ready to around because life will throw them at you constantly.

And I can’t believe I’m thinking this way now. Sometimes, I like to go back to the state of a super sad 13-year-old kid who is hurt by everything. But I no longer have a habit of being that way. I live in the moment. I’m probably going to do something stupid for this updated version of ME, and later in the evening I will write it on a pink note and I’ll put it in the jar of memories. Yes, I put a jar on the desk and attached a piece of paper to it that says in capital letters REMEMBER, just in case I can no longer remember how many things I did. Now, the friendzone represents only a memory stuck in that jar. It hurt, nut not anymore.

 

And I kind of realized that, lately, my life hasn’t been the happiest and I haven’t been given much reason to be happy.

Yeah, so what? I started ignoring the bad things in my life. I’m not here for breakups and drama. Remember, your life doesn’t end if you step into the friendzone! I’m here for the nights out with my friends, when we laugh until our bellies ache. I’m here for the team buildings with my team when we enjoy the first snow and we drink coffee at 2 AM in some random kitchen. 

 

I will always be here for things perceived as small, but important for me nonetheless.

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