You could swear that you are your most sincere version in front of others and in front of the mirror too. But is that true, honey? Is the image that you cast left and right the one of the person you truly are? Is it true that vulnerability makes us more beloved or not?
We live with a fear of rejection, of being blamed or looking stupid, of appearing weak. In reality, this unacceptance makes us seem both stupid and weak. Why? Because we can’t live off these appearances.
Every time I start writing a confession article, I tend to hesitate.
Should I let them know that? Shouldn’t I? My neighbors, my classmates from middle school or even my exes could read it. Funny thing. Who cares? Surprisingly, I have somehow reached a level of self-acceptance and these kinds of details become irrelevant. Why do I say that? Because it matters to me.
After all the insecurities, tears and waves of fear, I’ve suppressed the need for validation that haunted my mind for too long. I managed to overcome it thanks to what I am going to write about a little later on.
The coolest people in my life were the ones who knew my worst parts. Parts I might not even have understood and integrated without their support. What I am trying to say is… Life’s too short to waste it on people that make you feel uncomfortable with who you are.
I know it’s fashionable to flex on social media about the happiest moments and greatest achievements. But darling, we’re not in those situations. For every picture where one smiles, they might have a night of crying because of stress or other ABSOLUTE NORMAL HUMAN STUFF.
And I think that’s the key!
Some people transmit to us that it is abnormal to be weak, sad, hurt. That it’s not normal to feel down and even fail sometimes. How stupid! But how can we change when we are not sure that we have a safety net waiting to catch us in case we fail?
I’ll give a personal example. The theory may seem a bit vague. I have a few people whom I shamelessly told the dumbest things possible. I assumed that I might seem crazy, awkward or extremely weak. But I didn’t even care anymore. How can we connect if we are stupid and don’t talk about the things we miss? About the things that make us people?
And the big surprise: they love the real me!
They love me despite all my insecurities and desperate texts. The point is that, until recently, I didn’t have friends. Or, at least, true friends, who I could call at 3 AM. And that’s because I didn’t know that vulnerability makes us beautiful. It brings us closer and it enriches us. I keep having revelations and moments of absolute gratitude for the people around me. I’ve felt so much love this year. So much support. So much sincerity. Sometimes I’m still left speechless about the wonderful things the people in my life do for me. In order to have a good friend that you can count on, you have to form a strong friendship. If you want to know more about strengthening your friendship, then check this article!
And somehow, I think that everything changed along with me. The miracles happened when I stopped asking for them. I have never been obsessively looking for love, I’ve never forced others to love me, I’ve never tried to look playful or superior and the whole package that makes people feel cool nowadays. What did I do instead? Okay, I know, I know I shouldn’t take credit for my unconscious decisions but when I started giving love, time, hugs and tips, I realized that we have UN-LI-MI-TED resources of love.
And then why the hell do we lock the love in looks and vanity? I offered everything I could find in my soul and didn’t expect much in return because back then, I was still anxious when it came to human interactions.
And what did I achieve?
All this love came to me in waves. Having friends who leave their family on Easter Day and travel miles just to see you is something. Or 20 people jumping in your arms when you enter a meeting room… it’s indescribable.
They might seem insignificant gestures, but they charge you with special energies. They motivate you and show you that there is more to life than you know. And that happiness has nothing to do with the pictures in the commercials. Maybe my happiness is a cup of coffee, somewhere in the mountains, with no signal and with the people who love me for who I truly am.
As a team, we often make confessions about our personal lives. Sometimes through speeches, to practice our ability of transmitting things. Other times, we simply chat about our frustrations or joys while having a glass of wine together.
I think we need to know that we are not alone. That there is nothing wrong with us. That it’s perfectly fine to give up and feel awful sometimes.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable and people got to see the real me. And they also taught me how to love myself. They showed me that I have potential. That I am a beautiful person, who can do extraordinary things. The only requirement was to be honest with myself in the moments of glory, but also in the more difficult ones.
We need love, guys! We are looking for it obsessively and we never find it, precisely because we are looking for it in the wrong places. Love shouldn’t be chased, it should be offered. Especially in romantic relationships, but this is not necessarily the case here. I am talking about love from interactions with others. Offer people your time. Your heart. Your smiles. It sounds very cliché but I realized that it makes a huge difference.
Change your attitude towards everything!
Change the way you think. Once you become a magnetic person, full of energy and heat, you attract the right people for you. Attract those friendships that leave you speechless. And the hang-outs and campfires that you’ve been craving in solitude for so long.
Stop expecting anything else. Start today. How? With much tolerance towards yourself. Allow yourself to be who you are. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Show those around you that you are human, just like them. Show them that you were scared too many times and that if you managed to survive in those contexts, they can do so too. Always offer all you have because trust me, love is infinite. Be that magnetic person in a room. Be the brave person who talks about the things they want, the person who motivates others. The person that always has a good word to offer. The one who listens, who loves, who wants to make a difference.
Your life is changing!
Read this again if you don’t believe me. Your life is changing and you have no idea what incredible surprises are waiting for you. Let yourself be loved by those around you. Enjoy everything around you. You know that gratitude enriches you, right?
I would like to end by saying that we are not lost. No matter how bad the situation looks, or how crazy life can be sometimes, we can make a change. From the loneliest and perhaps the saddest person I was in the past years, even though I was just a child, I suddenly became a woman who manages to be grateful for all the love and all the friends she didn’t imagine she would have. Not like this. Not that honest.
Life can be really surprising. Or in order words, we are surprised when we realize that the only way to change is the way we anticipate, but which we end up only after endless struggles. I changed my life by giving up on chasing love. I offered it to others and eventually, it returned to me in waves. And for all that, I can only smile and be thankful.
Photo: David PK