What’s the deal with being friends with your ex?

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Exes, those people you talk about at some point like they’re some miraculous and perfect creatures who came to Earth by mistake. What’s the deal with being friends with your ex?

I did not choose to discuss in this article about who knows what life lessons, or to give tips on how to get over them, or how to win them back, etc. You can find enough kitsch and useless information everywhere because the internet is great!

What amuses me, though, is our stupid habit of overthinking for nothing.

When the relationship is over, it’s over. It doesn’t matter who had the courageous initiative to cleanse their life. Those absurd uncertainties that either get you into depression or stop you from focusing on the important stuff, they don’t matter either. That’s how we people are built. To stress ourselves a lot and unnecessarily. To constantly ask ourselves what we did, what we did wrong, what we should have done. The list goes on with hundreds of such questions that make us look in the mirror and see a non-human. A human, but not really.

This means you deny yourself. You lose confidence, you lose any desire of living, you piss off your mind non-stop with other questions and useless thoughts. What would it have been like? I would have been able to do that and be that way. And today be already on vacation together if and if and if. A lot of illusions and other crazy things in your head and somehow, when you take your time and realize that, well … I’m such a fine person. Why the hell did I think I was going to die alone?

The fun part about breaking up: those promises!

What do you mean what promises? Those that you promise to keep in touch and that you will be best friends, as was Harry Potter with the broom. Those moments when you promise, no, you swear with so much twinkling in your eyes that you can call each other if the cat dies, or the neighbor, or if it’s a life or death situation. There are drama and weight in words right there. Shaking hands and eyes watering … Well, what’s with that slightly teary Titanic scene? Is that drama? Instead of letting Jack die quietly in the freezing water, Rose could just as well promise him that they would remain best friends! An entire movie audience would have sighed right there!

How much we are able to dramatize, folks… And here I also include myself. Chill, because I am a person with 2 hands, 2 feet, and an ex-boyfriend or two as well. I’ve promised them the same feverish friendship that I mentioned above. Luckily I somehow woke up. When a person in my life came to ask me how much they would support me morally and how much they would take me out for coffee like a true soul friend they are, I rolled my eyes. We like to tell a beautiful lie to ourselves too many times.

The dude was not malicious. He was just polite. A politeness that still impresses those who don’t have enough experience. At some point in their life, they too will have that supreme revelation.  Grab a chair, hold on tight and read the following sentence:

There are no friends, bros, or sisters or anything after a break-up! Got it?

You do not believe me? Then think of how many times you have been close to a person with whom you had such a great love with sparks and fireworks more than during New Year’s Eve. Now I don’t mean you can’t talk at all.

Let me be clear. You talk about exes like you would about a dead person, which means only good things. You shared beautiful moments, you loved yourself like on the big screen, you promised to elope with them and other creepy things that happen in love. So out of respect for the choice you made at one point, you’re not going to talk bull about it, okay?

You respect them, greet them, wish them another happy birthday if you feel the need. Don’t feel that it’s necessary, though. Come on, go out for a coffee of complacency after it’s been long enough for you two to be chill. It’s all about respect and a sense of familiarity that you can still feel. But I do not think in any case that after a great love that ended in respite and shocking disclosures like its showbiz, you can go out into the world with that person and post everywhere with the description: still friends. It won’t work. And those who know how things are going will realize how fake the whole thing is.

You can’t get go into complex storytelling with the exes.  And if that happens, each one of you will subtly display their successes, the relationships that followed, the promotions and the list is open…

You don’t even need your ex.

Trust me, even if you are in the torment of hell, on the hospital bed, in the Mariana Cave, or need to know information only the CIA can provide, you would rather die instead than seek the help of your ex.

Something is holding you back. You don’t feel like going back to old talk or revisiting the same face you’ve had enough of. And this applies even if the other one broke up with you. Stay calm, all your nostalgia and fairy tales will leave your brain eventually. Even the taste of coffee does not please you so much that you are desperate to remain in exemplary relationships with the ex, for the sake of a warm drink from time to time.

Conclusion: The exes are called like this, precisely because they were, have passed, they’re dead in your eyes. There are no real immortal friendships and stories after a relationship. All the others are commercial texts, full of syrup, with which we heal after a natural disaster caused by separation.

What shocking experiences or troubling promises have you shared with your exes?

So, can you and your ex be friends? Take care and read this article if you’re still not satisfied, you may find another reason to be (or not to be) friends with your ex!

Author: Andreea Cordos

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