Well, well, well… If it isn’t jolly me who fell for someone who’s out of my league.
The funny thing is that, at the end of this article, you will realise that the person you like might actually be in your league and that every person you love isn’t how you think, even though they seem to be too different to like you. So…Let’s see what you can learn from your crush!
Every person you like hides an important secret about you. Let’s find out who you are!
How did it all start?
First of all, my crush is an amazing person (of course I will say that). She is a kind, charismatic person, who likes helping everyone, is civically involved and reads a lot. But she does have her flaws. I’ll talk about those later.
Why do I say this, anyway? Because I felt very strongly that she resembled me in these aspects. But she’s just a little bit better – just like how I’d like to be, how I’d be if I’d pay a little more attention to my potential.
And then I realised. Most of the people I fancied were really careful people, who have never wasted their time, who were eager to maximize their potential, who always gave something back to society and, in general, had really high hopes for their future.
So I asked myself:
What happens at a psychological level when you like a person who represents exactly what you want to be?
And I want to clarify a thing: every crush has its own purpose in your life. Nope, it’s not motivational bullshit you’re used to.Nope, it’s not motivational bullshit you’re used to. It’s science. Your attitude attracts people who will make you evolve, or who will teach you something.
Example: If your parents have never shown you love, you will subconsciously attract people who will make you feel the same way. And this will make you deal with this and move on.
I don’t believe in coincidences. So I wasn’t surprised when, later that day, I met a friend of mine who is actually a psychologist. I asked him about this and he answered:
‘You already know.’
‘A need for validation?’ (That’s what was stressing me out)
‘Projection. Your subconscious realises that this person has qualities that you possess as well.’
‘Okay, but, is it healthy?’
‘Well, isn’t it?’
And I was happy that I can love my crush without psychological mechanisms that come from harmful things. And of course, I read about this projection when I got home and in that moment I had
*THE BIG BOOM*
How does the projection mechanism work?
We can only see what we are. There is no outside world, there are only our own projections on the world.
Specifically: when you don’t like someone’s flaw, in fact your own being demands from within that this deficiency needs attention. When something bothers you about a person, that marks a trait of yours that you do not assume.
You had it, you have it, or you could have it. But you attributed this to another person because of a self-defense system.
Example: When someone’s arrogance bothers you, it actually bothers you that you might present this arrogance in the future or have done so in the past.
But when do you appreciate a person?
In fact, you appreciate the traits that you can be capable of or the ones that you already have. You wouldn’t be able to recognize one’s qualities if you did not have them in you. You wouldn’t be attracted to someone’s qualities if they didn’t exist in you, if you weren’t capable of them. As simple as that.
Each of us sees the world through personal filters, and our being’s projection upon others is one of them.
What did I do and what did I learn?
As soon as I had read the article, I took a sheet of paper, a pen, divided the sheet into two halves and wrote:
What do I like about X | What I don’t like about X
– creative – a little arrogant
– friendly – mean
– doesn’t waste their time – too rational
– reads a lot – control freak
– fair and assertive – too harsh sometimes
And I have come to the conclusion that I can get exactly where I want to. I can be an orderly, disciplined person, who does not waste their time, thirstier for knowledge than I already am and to be exactly in the professional environment in which I want to be. I can help the world from wherever I may be and inspire.
As for the things I do not like, I have not reached a clear conclusion yet, but I want to understand them and I will certainly be more attentive to those flaws, because they are inside of me, whether I’ve already had them or I will in the future.
This is what I learned from the person I fancy, what about you?
Author: Emilian Horea