I’ve learned these things the hard way and I wasn’t ready. A wave came, then another one, until I found myself drowned in my own waves. I was scared because of the amount of water around me, but for the very first time, I knew that this is the place I belong now. I was calm and accepted my faith until I realized that is not fair.
I still have so many things to do, so many things to see. This calmness became desperation; desperation for survival. I wanted to survive so bad that I fought my own waves and found the land. I am calm again but this time is different. I am on the land of hopes, alone, surrounded by waves. Waves that become bigger and bigger. Now I’m just learning how to fight them and go beyond.
STOP TELLING THEM EVERYTHING…I LEARNED THIS ONE WHEN IT WAS TOO LATE, A MONTH AGO
I’ve already told them what was in my mind and in my soul., and they didn’t deserve it. No one deserves actually, to know everything about you. Now I know that I need a balance: how much to tell, how many things and in what way. Not everyone wants the best for you, even though you are friends, you never know how the tables may turn. I used to trust people with all my heart.
Exposing myself this much, I’ve just shown them my weaknesses and they took advantage of them. I was vulnerable and ashamed because of it. Now, after I fought with that wave, I am more than sure that this is my super/power. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable, to show your soul, to another human being. It’s hard to open up and it’s heartbreaking knowing that people take advantage of this.
I exposed myself so much that it took a while to create new pieces for my puzzle. They took those pieces from me and left me wondering why I am not enough. Because I showed them why. And I know I am more than enough, it’s just this frustration that they misunderstood my good intentions. They didn’t help me when I was fighting with my waves, they just pretended. I was so mad that I decided to be strong for the first time and win the battle with my waves.
A FEW MONTHS AGO I WAS TRAPPED AND SCARED OF DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR ME
Unfortunately, I didn’t know I was trapped in a dead place, in a cage and the most painful part is that I was the one that put myself into that cage. I broke my own heart, I was the one who didn’t want to set me free. I was trapped in my mind, I thought that doing the right thing for me means hurting other people. I couldn’t see myself seeking revenge or hurting the ones who hurt me.
So, I chose to be the one trapped and set them free. I was the one who cried, who cared, who loved. After I let them go, the cage door opened. I was scared to walk, after my first step, the waves started to hit me. One by one, letting behind all my tears and all my love. After the waves were gone I was empty. My mind, my heart, I felt nothing. No emotion, no feeling.
And in that very moment, I’ve realized that this my new beginning. I can start over, I can build again all the walls they destroyed, I can be myself again because while I was with them this version of myself wasn’t enough. So, I became enough, but this time, enough for me.
A MONTH AGO I’VE REALIZED THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK CLOSER
Indeed, you have to look for its meaning and ask yourself ”why is this happening to me, and what I am learning from this?”. I used to look for meaning in everything, to look for a sign, to know if I am doing the right thing or not. Now I do the same, but this time I don’t ignore the signs and most importantly, I won’t repeat the mistakes.
The red flags I see at the beginning, the bad energy, the toxicity I feel in the very beginning are the best sign to stop. Waves of anger, of bad energy, of people who want to drag me down, are still chasing me. And I’m running, I’m running as fast as I can because I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough and all I want is a calm sea for a while.
No rushing, no disturbing, to tornados, just be floating and the sun kissing me on my forehead. I want this because I am more than tired of temporary people, of fake people, of failed relationships, or lack of motivation. For a while, I need this inner peace.
Maybe this a sign too, this has a meaning, but what am I learning from this one? That I don’t need anybody in my life and if I want to be happy, then in the next second I can be? Because I am the only one responsible for what’s in my head? The answer is YES. One more thing, don’t be afraid of waves. They teach you the best lessons, just look closer.