Christmas is a happy, jolly holiday that implies spending time with your family or with your dear ones. Culturally, it has its grounds on quality time and connection with your relatives. What about spending Christmas with a toxic family? At some point, one may feel that Christmas is not about sharing your love but about forcing yourself to be someone you are not. And of course, all the families have their trauma passed from generation to generation, and dealing with it to heal your wounds and not pass them to another human being may not be something to consider.
First, what is Christmas like when you are not spending it with your toxic family?
It may be hard to answer a question like this. It takes a lot of courage to express your will of spending this holiday, or any other holiday, with people that are not with your toxic blood relatives. But imagine spending Christmas doing something you really enjoy, listening to the music that speaks to your heart or let yourself do what you feel. It sounds like a fairytale, right?
I am in your shoes. I know that Christmastime can be extremely depressing when you have to spend it with toxic people. I, for one, try to spend less time with my family. But I never had the courage to put into words my desire. I know that in this case, we want understanding. We want others to see that Christmas in our family is not a jolly holiday; it is just another missed chance of being on your side and protect your wishes.
Do you even like Christmas anymore?
Celebrating Christmas with a toxic family can make you hate this holiday. Christmas is built so that we must celebrate this time of year with our families. It implies the idea that your family is the place where you can find happiness. In the cases of toxic families, what we know, and what we experience is totally different. We live on the idea that Christmas is just an abnormal holiday for us. You don’t get to experience the happiness of Christmas morning, maybe you barely receive a gift, and you feel like an intruder in your own life. And you give more than you receive.
There is a long way until you can do what you really want. Detaching from a toxic family takes a lot of emotional energy and courage. But maybe this Christmas, you get the courage to protect your mental health. Being in a place that makes you anxious, you can try to spend more of this holiday with yourself, in your room, analyzing the situation. This may help.
Christmas is going to the dogs for everyone, but I hear you. I know how hard it is to spend some meaningful holidays with people that don’t see you, that don’t appreciate you. You are more than what your toxic family sees. And I guarantee you, you will get to love Christmas once you celebrate it in your own, beautiful way.