The thing that I do everyday as a human: anger and control

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What if I told  I am only a human with anger issues and I can’t control myself? Like you, I have days when I don’t even recognize myself. Days when I can’t even get out of my bed. Sometimes my coffee tastes different. The only friend in those days is my music and my baggy clothes. There are moments when I can’t talk to anyone. What if I say something mean? I think that they can’t understand me. I think it’s perfectly normal to have these days. Why? It makes you human, it reminds you that you are allowed to feel. What is not ok is that you let those things to take control over your mind.

     My everyday thoughts as a human with anger issues

When I was younger, someone told me that is just a bad day, not a bad life. Just because today I’m not feeling like myself, it doesn’t mean I have to make the rest of my days like this one. I need to keep it under control. Every day is a new chance! Even though we know it, we don’t actually do something. We don’t make our lives better, or at least we don’t do it enough.

I am an impulsive human with anger issues and over time I’ve learned to control my thoughts as much as I can. After figuring out that all that anger and all my trust issues come from my mind I’ve pushed away a lot of people. School wasn’t great, I’ve failed a lot of exams because of my anxiety, because of trust issues.

So what is the thing I do every day? I control myself, I think twice. I’m trying to be calm and to understand the situation and the people. Because of the fear of not hurting the others, I control my anger and try to be more nice. They don’t deserve it. I remind myself everyday that I am enough. I have the situation under control and I can do it! All by myself! I am strong enough to do it and most important, to do it right! When I’m starting to feel anxious, sad or angry I’m trying to calm myself. What would help? It may be music or sport. But it has to be something to keep my mind and my body away from obsessive thoughts and anger.

 The things that help me to control myself

I avoid dramas and fights. I’m more impressed now by good arguments and decency. I’m not interested in proving why I am right and the other one is wrong. Now it’s more important for the both of us to see the reality. We have to respect each other and to solve the problem in a calm way.

It took a lot to get here and I have so much ahead. I’m not where I want to be but at least I am not where I was.I am more than sure that one day my issues won’t affect my well being anymore. Don’t let your mind take control over you! Spread love, not anger.

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