The eyes that you stop seeing…

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I like writing and that’s no secret, but there are moments when I simply live for it. When I crawl my being through an ordinary day just to reach my screen. With my eyes on the keyboard, I let the ideas flow without putting too much effort into analyzing what I’m writing. Recently, I felt like I was suffocating, like words wanted to get out of me and take shape into something so beautiful.

The words wanted to hold hands and dance on the blank page of Microsoft Word.

And when this happens, I am at a loss of words. It takes me hours, days, even weeks to start writing what I longed to write. It’s probably my unique way to treat myself badly. Wanting to do something so much, while also being my own obstacle, is some sort of bitter-sweet love. Even more interesting is that I usually focus on one theme, one subject and I can’t get it out of my head until I see the words black on white.

The subject that I am obsessing over this week is the old and equally famous quote “The eyes that you stop seeing end up forgotten”. It’s a local one, but it means the exact thing as “Out of sight, out of mind”. I want you to understand one thing, I’m very sincere when I’m writing. So I’m not lying to you when I say that this quote represents one of the greatest aberrations for me. Or rather, represented. Why the past tense? Because right now I’m not even sure how to look at it.

My eyes are greenish-blue, and there’s a yellow circle around the pupils, forming a sunflower on the green-blue landscape. How come that I still remember a pair of ordinary hazelnut eyes, and yet, my uncommon eyes are almost always forgotten?

Maybe if the flower in my eyes would have been a rose instead of a sunflower, then my gaze would have been engraved in the mind of any passer-by. But it’s not. And it didn’t.

Truthfully, I don’t know why I’m writing this now. I don’t know why I’m talking about this and I don’t have the slightest idea where I’m getting at with these confessions. I do know, however, that this is the only thing that feels real and normal to me.  Two Feet are singing in the background, a cat is standing beside me. The lights of the streetlamp by my window, that I curse a few times every night. There’s also a pair of blue eyes that I have in my mind and I don’t know if I will ever want to forget them. I’m staying here trying to explain to you that a sunflower can be just as beautiful as a rose.

I think the idea behind “Out of sight, out of mind” is simple. It doesn’t matter what color the eyes are, so long as you find something different in that color each time you make visual contact and he tells you how beautiful you are. When he’s sad that his plans didn’t work out or when he’s happy for no reason. I think that the term “I see” doesn’t mean only a visual contact that manifests when you two are face to face. I think it means much more.

Writing here for you, for myself, I realized that everything is crystal clear: The eyes that you stop seeing end up forgotten. The eyes are the mirror of the soul. The souls that never see each other.

I already mentioned that I’m sincere when writing. So, I don’t want you to feel amazed when I tell you that I don’t know how to continue or how to end the conversation. Yup, it’s a conversation, with those of you that follow me actively. Those of you that only now discover my writing, my colleagues from the magazine, myself. It’s a discussion with all of you and that’s why I await your opinions, wherever you can send them to me.

Tell me if what I am saying is true for you or if it’s false and why is it so. Tell me about the person who proved you that a color can be different without actually changing. About the eyes that showed you how blue can be as warm as that autumn hazelnut. About the sunflower that made you ignore all the roses. Just tell me something.

I hope that now, through my little confession here, you see your own beautiful eyes and don’t compare yourself to others. You know what I’m talking about. “My blue wasn’t enough for her to not ditch me for his green eyes”. For the person who really loves you, the color of your eyes is unique. It represents the gateway to your soul.

It’s not the eyes that are forgotten, it’s the soul.

Thanks for the picture,
Victor Nadasan

 

 

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