After a long time I’ve realized that in my life, I used to be so excited when someone did the bare minimum. I didn’t know what I deserve but here I am today, stronger than ever. I was flattered by someone who wasn’t sure about the time, who never did something for me out of nowhere, but did it because I said so. Always remember who you were before you met them because when they leave they will leave with parts of you you’ll never receive back.
You ache for them, but some of them can no longer be in your life because you’re not that version anymore. They left and now you’re way better than before, even though you don’t see it. They didn’t see you as you are, they didn’t do the things you deserve and you don’t see it because you love them. But love isn’t about the bare minimum. It is about effort. Show your partner every day that they matter to you, that they mean something to you. Show them affection, take care of them. If you don’t want to commit, leave them alone, we are tired of wrong people.
When you grieve for someone from your past, your body and your mind are in a war. You dream of them, you randomly remember things you used to do, you basically want them back and wish for them to return. But remember something, you don’t need to be completed, you don’t need someone who is not sure about you, you are better off without them. Your soul is craving their “energy” because it feels the need to commune with something. A better thing would be searching for this connection in yourself. Go back to yourself, not to them, because you are already a whole, you don’t need to be completed.
WHY THEY DO THIS TO US?
Their wounds are not an excuse for you to tolerate hurtful behavior. It’s not your fault that someone doesn’t treat you well. They do this because they have their own issues, past traumas. It’s a scientific fact that, in a relationship, we crave something we didn’t have in the past. For example, there are couples who always touch each other, the fingers, the hands, they are always physically connected. But why they don’t treat you the way you deserve? Because you are not their person. They are looking for someone, as we all do, and they didn’t find that person in you. You are not their person and vice versa.
Maybe, deep down, you’d wish that, but if it were to be, they’d treat you with respect. The bare minimum is not respect, is not love. You deserve more than everyday fights, stupid jokes, and remarks. You deserve everyday affection, you deserve efforts, you deserve a healthy relationship. If you want a healthy relationship you need to find someone willing to commit the way you are willing to commit. It requires efforts from both sides.
For you to understand this better, I’ll tell you this. I’ve had too many toxic and failed relationships and I’ve never understood why. I was waiting for someone to be the one, not for the one. I was fine with one message a day, I was fine with no flowers, no communication, no dates, no efforts, no sweet talk. Not even the bare minimum you do for someone, like respect.
I was so mistreated by guys who wanted me to be what they want and didn’t accept me as I am. I thought this was ok and I thought this was what I deserve and that’s my life: failed relationships and toxic traits. Their toxic behavior became mine and I didn’t even realize until I had healthy friendships and a healthy relationship.
EVEN THE GUARDIAN FROM MY WORKPLACE SAYS TO ME “HELLO, BEAUTIFUL”. DON’T LET YOURSELF FEEL FLATTERED BY SUCH THINGS, IT’S JUST POLITENESS
I thought fighting over meaningless things is normal, fighting every day like it’s a hobby. Fighting because I had an opinion and I didn’t want to change who I was for who they wanted me to be. When someone came into my life and loved me for exactly who I am this is when I realized I deserve better. I was flattered when a guy was telling me cute things. I was flattered when he promised the world, when he was nice to me only in the beginning, when the only thing he did was to say what he would do.
Now, I’m flattered by communication, by someone who is actually doing something for me. By someone who is sure about me and who shows me every day how much he loves me. Someone who doesn’t let me sleep sad or angry, who doesn’t get upset if I have a different perspective. If sometimes I’m not in the mood for anything, he understands. But most importantly, who respects me for who I am. I’ve lost myself craving their energy, but then I remembered who I was before I met them and fell in love with myself again. Chin up, you know you deserve better. Process how you feel.