You strongly believe that everything you do is for yourself, for your future, for the smile you put on display. You forgot that some time ago, something kept you stuck in the present and the essence eluded you. Everything you do right now is for others. Not a single crumb remains for you, but you continue to shamelessly lie to yourself. Eventually, you start believing your own childish games. Smiling is a game changer, hasn’t anybody told you that?
I think we all had a day when everything was perfect. A day when we were oozing excitement, only to end up changing into a firestorm without even realizing it.
You’re not happy! And you’ll never be until you see it with your own eyes. This is because you’ve drawn the curtains over your real feelings and only pulled out a happy mask for the world to see. In reality, you never felt like you wanted to smile. You wanted to cry, scream, eat a chocolate cake and do it all over again if possible.
But you didn’t cry…
You laughed when all you had to do was shed a tear.
You didn’t cry and that led to a profound ache, while your smile hid behind a curtain. It led to a pain that you’ve kept hidden for years until you snapped. Then, you’ve thrown away everyone and everything out of your soul. Darkness and depression became part of your life much sooner than you had anticipated. You would have never believed that to be possible. Inside, you felt deserted, but nobody was able to see that due to your laugh.
You believed no one’s going to notice, that everyone is indifferent to suffering. But wait, you’ve lied to yourself again, without even considering your own well-being.
You knew everyone would see how destroyed you were. Most probably you thought no one would care about your much too profound wounds. Maybe you felt they wouldn’t deserve to be healed. And you were right, no one truly cared too much about you, about your smile…So the change has to come from inside but in reality… You filled yourself with regret and loneliness became your best friend. It’s sad to be alone and still be surrounded by people. People who, otherwise, could help you get back up from deepest pits.
Still, you did well remaining alone…
Only loneliness can truly heal you from wounds of the past. Because you, and you alone, could realize what a dear friend had told you some time ago. You were too blind and cocky to listen to them at that moment, but it’s never too late and you’ve learned that for yourself. “Never expect anything positive from anything and nobody. This is how you’ll never be disappointed. Maintain a sense of normalcy, and so nothing will ruin your day. Don’t have any expectations, and nothing will hurt you any longer.”
You realized that whatever you do, you’ll never meet their expectations. This is more than great, it’s extraordinary.
Your life will change radically once you notice that you are the only one that matters. Once light returns to your life. You don’t have to please anybody. Please yourself, make yourself happy. Most importantly, start living for yourself. Nobody really cares, and anyone could be removed sooner or later. This needs to make you stronger, harder to dispose of.
Nobody is identical, but we are all the same.
You stepped well out of your comfort zone, you sang when you fully knew you had no voice. You danced almost every morning while they were all sleeping and couldn’t see your happiness. When you’d go jogging just because of the quote: “Mens sana in corpore sano“. Finally, you’d worked for yourself. How? You built self-trust and in doing so realized your life’s real meaning, yourself.
Oh, God, you had finally smiled! And once you started doing that you couldn’t stop. You look more beautiful since your smile settled on your face. You’ve got a different radiance that makes passers-by notice your perfect imperfections. They’re ghosts of the present that admire your flaws more than any past friend ever did.
You finally love yourself, what you became. You became the one who changes the game. Smiling is a game changer, but you became the master of the game. The mistakes of the past made you stronger, they hardened you, helped you become the woman that you are today. And you love them for that. You didn’t let the horrors of the past fool you.
In doing so, you’ve seen that life can continue in miraculous ways.
You don’t regret a thing. There’s no problem having white nights while trying to make things right with him. It’s ok that you’ve thrown that glass full of wine out the window, even though it belonged to a loving mom…you don’t even regret the wounds that he caused. Even though he wounded you in a split second, without considering your sensibility and vulnerability. The only thing you regret is regretting too much back then.
The only solutions back then were to figure out how to be better for the three of them. You never considered the solution to be better for yourself. In the end, you found out that happiness doesn’t depend on others anymore, it depends only on you. At that moment you became the master of your own game, and everything took another turn. It took another turn only because of your decision. That decision was to change for the better, and so, a smile appeared on your complexion. The present is just a toy now, one that only you know how to maneuver. Smiling is a game changer but you’re the master of the game, don’t forget that!
You want more motivation? We’ve got your back, try reading this article, you won’t regret it!