You might be sabotaging yourself without even realizing it. This article will shed some light on the subject and help you break the negative cycle.
Most life coaches and therapists will agree that we are supposed to be our own biggest supporters. However self-sabotage often comes in the way and, more often than not, the opposite is true. We tend to bring ourselves down more than we realize. But how and why do we do this?
Overly criticizing yourself
Overly criticizing yourself manifests through pointing out obsessively every tiny flaw and pesky habit that you have picked up and berating yourself excessively every time you set your foot in. So those nights you have spent looking back on every mistake you have ever done and coming up with clever ways to insult your old self if were not ‘constructive self-criticism’. You have only sabotaged yourself even further.
From a very young age, children and shamed into good behavior. Nevertheless, instead of good behavior, they pick up the message that scorning themselves is the path forward.
Instead of regretting who you are and trying endlessly to change yourself, you could admit to your past mistakes without dragging your present and past self down. As a human, you are bound to step the wrong way once in a while. It is ok and encouraging yourself to do better is the only way to move further.
Surrounding yourself with negativity
Your emotional well-being is heavily influenced by the people you surround yourself with. Sure, everybody goes through bad days and we all have the blues once in a while. That is understandable. However, if your friends only ever seem to moan and complain, then you might be dealing with toxic friends.
We sabotage ourselves this way because we feel that, if we don’t stick by our friends through the bad times, we are villains. That might be the case, but if your friend hasn’t had one good day in years, it might be time for you to call it quits and search for other company.
As Frances Hodgson Burnett once said: ‘Where you tend a rose my lad, a thistle can never grow’. The key to increasing your self-esteem and emotional well-being is to watch out for those you grow alongside with. You can’t thrive in bad company.
Sabotaging yourself through self-pity
Self-pity is as good to your mental well-being as poison. Although it feels nice to play the victim and shift the blame for your mistakes to somebody else, this is a very toxic habit. It sets a bad precedent and once it becomes the custom for you, it can easily spiral into mental illness.
A lot of people pity themselves because they are actually seeking compassion from their peers. Living can get hard sometimes and dealing with the consequences of their choices and actions is too much for some people. However, this doesn’t erase reality and, at some point, they will have to face it.
Nevertheless, sabotaging yourself is not particularly hard to overcome. You only have to be more honest with yourself and take reality a bit more lightly. Maybe things don’t always come out the way you would have wished them to and that is ok. Whether or not you should take the blame for it is not as important as finding the means to move forward.