Romantic relationships: 2 ingredients that make it better – independence and self-love



           Do you find the idea of buying yourself flowers inappropriate? This period strongly suggests that people should celebrate their love for each other. But for sure not everyone is in a romantic relationship, and even if they were, love is lived every day, not only on the 14th of February. 

Does self-love make me selfish?

           Our background and our trauma have a lot to say in a romantic (and any other) relationship. We carry our wounds and, without wanting to, we project them into relationships with our loved ones. But when you acknowledge your wounds and the way they are affecting your connections, you start to grow and to improve your relationship. 

We do carry this emotional baggage about being abandoned, about not being good enough, but taking your time and space to do that will help you. There is a saying that you can’t love somebody unless you love yourself. But I think that self-love has nothing to do with an external connection. We can learn to love ourselves through the act of loving someone else. 

In my experience, there was even better to start seeing myself, my abilities, and my whole self as a different person through the eyes of someone I love. Self-love is a hard process, but you can always ask for help. Self-love takes time, energy, and attention, and sometimes we need help to see who we are.

Self-love is important in a relationship, and for me, being in a romantic relationship and knowing that taking care of me affects not only my body and my emotional state but also my partner. Self-love does not make someone selfish. On the contrary, we invest in ourselves to become a better version of ourselves for ourselves and others. 

Self-love is accepting the love and care every day, but also when you most need it. Self-love is loving the person you want and keeping them around.

Manifesting self-love

Self-love can be expressed through various methods. No matter the form, it is directed to us, from us. For example, for me, cooking is a love language. When I cook for my partner or my family, my love language is directed to them, but when I cook for myself, I feel something powerful. I feel that I celebrate and appreciate myself. 

Go buy yourself flowers, go buy yourself the video game you wanted so bad, or dance your emotions out. Self-love often involves investing some money in your happiness, which is a small price to pay for your well-being.

Can you be independent in a romantic relationship?

I bet you can! Maybe society makes us feel that we have to rely on our partner, and that being independent in a relationship means that you are in a dysfunctional relationship. But being in a relationship does not mean that you have to rely 100 percent on your partner. Before being someone’s partner, you are an individual, you are your own. 

Spending time with yourself does not make you lonely or asocial. As an introvert, I feel that my time is essential for being present in a relationship. The only person that I am constantly in touch with is myself, so time with myself is precious. 

Also, we tend to get used to being in someone else’s presence, and spending time alone can make us feel a little uncomfortable. But take your take, spread your wings and free yourself. Maybe the first moments will be hard to stand with yourself only, but you will get to love to enjoy your essence. 

A healthy relationship with yourself is important for your mental health.

A healthy relationship is based on trust, love, care, and respect. But apart from things that you have to solve with your partner, there are things you have to solve with yourself. Being independent makes you rely on your powers and gets you to know what your partner can do to help you. 


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here