It’s so wrong being without you…


A while ago, we were running through the rain- playful, young and happy. We were getting drunk on each other’s perfume and losing ourselves in kisses, oblivious to the pneumonia that threatened to attack us the day after. Anything could’ve attacked us. We felt like the strongest when we were holding hands and souls. Who would’ve guessed that the same rain would be the one hiding our tears in the end? It’s so wrong being without you…

Both of us knew a storm was approaching us. We underestimated it, choosing to dance through lightning bolts, to our own rhythm, until our souls turned against each other when thunders continued to drive us apart. We sat there, in the rain, wet with tears, and were looking in each other’s eyes: “ How did we end up here?”. This was the question that was thundering through our hearts, driving us crazy. All I did was hope that once with the sky, we could let the past fade away, but not you too. I would’ve preferred to burn in your arms than jump in the water… without you. It’s so wrong being without you…

No matter how much I hoped, however, it wasn’t enough. We weren’t enough for one another. We were already running through the night’s darkness, through a storm of fights that we clung onto with desperation to stay together, looking, frightened, for a quiet place. A shelter we knew we wouldn’t find anywhere else but in each other’s arms. And yet… instead of running in each other’s arms, we let our egos drive us in different infernos, personally created by the person we loved the most in this world. Created by ourselves.

I thought that we had more time, because nobody can be prepared for such a disaster. We betrayed ourselves.

I’m starting to understand that we won’t ever love again the way we used to. Now, when we have our souls knelt, I wish to have said sorry when I couldn’t tell you anything. I wish… I would’ve let you love me. We lost ourselves in a war that we knew we couldn’t win. We refused to go searching for our ourselves out of fear of losing each other.

You had an icy heart, and I a glass soul, that shattered in the end. It wasn’t meant to resist the winter that you brought.

I wasn’t able to defrost yours, and you left me picking up the shards all by myself.

Your words were injected with lava and venom, but your hugs were bathed in love, peace, and calmness. Even though your screams cut wounds too deep, the peace of now burns me like only you could have done it. Where are you? Lost in space, in time?… Are you looking for me in other people the way I am looking for you?

I want you to know that I would give anything to find you again, to forget the rains, the tornadoes that fiercely divide us. Let’s remind ourselves about everything that ties us together. Let’s retake the dance rhythm and prove to the Universe that together we are stronger than any storm that could be sent upon us. I would give everything to forget all that went wrong and jump again in your arms. You left me cold handed and with my soul burned by an emptiness that has your shape. I don’t want to believe that it was meant to be like this. I watched you sleep, and I know: You’re destined to be mine!

You left behind a perfume that permanently reminds me of you, regardless of how much time had passed already. It feels so wrong to be without you, so far away from home… alone.


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