When the night lays heavily over people’s souls, they fight back. Everyone has their own fight with a different demon, but they lose every time when the moon rises, its rays paler than Death’s image. The sad fact is that some of them don’t even fight anymore. They have given up for one more night, for one more 3 AM they promise it will never happen again, just to be disappointed tomorrow yet again. It’s not easy being a teenager!
Hi, I am a 17 year old teen, nearly 18, that 3 AM caught awake.
My bad, it’s not going to happen again. But hey, if it weren’t like this, I wouldn’t be writing. I am not thinking when writing it right now, so don’t judge me for mistakes that my mates didn’t see when they proofread the article, I didn’t help them either, I don’t have my glasses and I can barely see the keyboard. My eyes hurt and my cheeks are burning. I am shaking because I’m cold, even though I’m writing to you during a summer night. Yes, you just read that, it’s a summer night, and I am home under a blanket, not under the moonlight or under the dancing stars of the sky that I cannot look at. It reminds me of what I didn’t ever have, but I’ve always desired.
You will hate me for what I am about to say, however I don’t need your love, so I will continue.
I’ve heard many a time “It’s so cool being a teen, there’s no stress”. It’s the biggest lie ever, even bigger than “Forever”. I’m more likely to pay 20 bills than ponder whether the text I’ve sent to that boy 3 days ago was good or not, because he didn’t text back; and, especially, than knowing who I am. I prefer working everyday than going to school, where all that matters are marks, but not what I really want, I prefer to be busy with all of those “adult problems” than being annoyed by my parents who don’t know what they want from me.
I know you feel the same…
And for the ones who don’t drink ‘till they’re dead at every party, for the ones who don’t smoke, for the ones who are not “players”, teenage is just terrible. Being a teenager with principles and moral values is the biggest mistake you can make. And here I declare being guilty again. That’s why I’m laying in bed, not because I do not have a social life, like some of you would say.
And yes, people with principles do exist, valuable or trustworthy people indeed exist.
I do not cheat, so people used to tag me as “boring” because I was loyal to my boyfriend. I’m talking in the past tense, because, indeed, relationships don’t last forever, and neither did mine, but I have no regrets. It was beautiful.
I do not drink ‘till I can’t walk home, holding myself onto fences while I crawl home. That’s why people considered that I’m boring. Twice, and also frightened, this time. I don’t wanna wake up dizzy and not knowing what I did last night. If I really don’t want to remember anything, I sleep for three hours in three days and the dizziness is more real than any Jagger can do to you. I don’t smoke to escape reality and to induce that chill feeling.
And, no, I do not change my partners on a whim to forget about someone, as many do. I don’t say I love them, whenever I touch someone else’s skin.
No, I am a teen. I am not confused, I’m not muzzy more than the other person, my heart didn’t switch places with my brain, my brain isn’t in the trash can, I’m not that keen to rebel against every single rule, even the ones that help me, I’m not uninterested in what happens around me, I’m not easily influenced and no, I don’t hate my parents.
The list can continue.
I don’t belong to any stereotype in which teenagers are framed nowadays, but I still exist.
Yes, I have a life. I loved like most of you, experts, will never love, I lived some moments that neither Neversea nor Untold combined could give you, I smiled in ways the number of “30 girlfriends” won’t ever make you smile, I laughed harder than you did when you bullied the girl with glasses that was sitting in the back of the class. You’re gonna say that I’m frustrated, I’m already hearing the voice of a classmate melodically repeating that I only write out of frustration. No, darlings, I’m opening your eyes. Being a teenager isn’t easy. It’s intense. It’s crazy. Chaotic. Exhausting. Limited.
Being a teenager is like being in a cage
And that’s why we think these years are the best of our lives. We escape this cage at 19 or 20 and we taste life to the fullest. Of course, it loses its intensity and we get those melancholic thoughts: “Dude, it was so easy back then”. They weren’t.
Some of you have thorns inside the cage and when the time to escape comes, you don’t break them, you turn them against other people and you just stay there. Some people can’t see the bars and they fly far away to freedom, only meet the metal of the cage doors, grounding them forever as a punishment for their indifference. And the others, the ones like me, stay in their cage, wrapped up in barbed wire and wait. What are we waiting for? I don’t know. I just know that we’ll see it coming. Is it a good thing? Maybe there’s no right answer. But do you know what’s beautiful?
That other brave souls moved their cage next to ours and the compatible ones built a common door.
They can come to me, I can go to them, and this will matter more than the friends with benefits you got going with the girl you never were powerful enough to love – like she would have deserved – and more than your drunk friendships, that disappear as quick as the bottle of Jack is empty.
Dear friends, I know what you’re going through …
I know some of you have just fallen asleep, with a wet pillow and tears streaming down your white cheeks, because the blood in them went to the wrists you abused tonight. Of course some of you are thinking if that person loves you. No, they don’t. If they loved you, they would have replied to the five or six hour old text, or they would have been on the phone with you, without making you feel like a backup plan.
I know some of you are smiling because things between you two couldn’t be better. They will be, but in a few months you will be in the above category, wondering if they still love you. The answer will be no, because they found something better. Keep calm, they’re lying to themselves that they’re ok, just like you do.
I know that some are dying out of longing, I know that some are waiting for promises to be fulfilled. They will not be fulfilled, I am sorry, but you need to continue believing in them. Suffering will determine what kind of human you are.
And I see you too, those who are sleeping right now. Keep calm, being a teenager is easy now, until you will be in one of the above categories. Until then, sweet dreams. You will no longer be the same person when “adolescence” will hit.
Do not think that I have forgotten you, the most beautiful of all, those who turn their suffering into beautiful lines. You, my dear ones, you are the ones I adore. You are so beautiful, that this world does not deserve you. Do you know how strong you are? To be able to turn your suffering into words on paper, even if it didn’t help you at all, so a more unfortunate soul can have guidance.
You’re the martyrs of our generation because you don’t let go of your suffering until you squeezed the last drop of inspiration in order to create art.
I love you, and that’s why I await your creations with open arms. Yeah, being a teenager isn’t easy and I don’t even know if it’s that beautiful. I know that I’ve discovered myself and I know that, writing here for you, my night just became a lot easier.
I’m a teenager and I feel I’m suffocating. I don’t have anything better to do for the moment, just taste the bittersweet pleasures that ”the best years of one’s life” offered us.
Yeah, being a teenager isn’t easy. It’s intense, a real emotional roller coaster.
And there are times when you’d wish you’d be anything other than a 17-year-old soul who has no idea who they really are, where they’re going and above all the usual dramas that we can’t get rid of. And yeah, it isn’t as beautiful as they’d want you to believe, and maybe it doesn’t matter that much, but it’s our starting point towards what we want to be, to become.
It is necessary to first be a caterpillar in order to become a beautiful, colorful butterfly. How can we do this if we don’t experience all the feelings, all the human phases? And when should you do this if not during teenage years?
Yes, we’re teenagers, some of us embody every stereotype, some of us none of them. Yes, we’re teenagers, but we exist. We deserve to be heard, we deserve to be seen. And until everyone will understand that, we’re gonna be just some messed up human beings.
Being a teenager is anything but easy. However, we’ll grow and we’ll become another splash of color, more or less visible, until then, let us believe that we can change the world.
Author: Miruna Sabau