I am writing this from a spa, where I’ve spent two weeks, trying to relax after my exams. I was so surprised when I realized that this place is like the MILF heaven. Not surprising, given the fact that almost half of the European marriages end up in divorce.
There are so many women in unhappy marriages, that Nemerovschi could write five novels about them. Too bad I’m not into her books…
And because they started talking to me and giving me compliments, I decided to keep the conversations going and find out why they’re in the actual situation. The names were changed in order to protect their identities.
Maria, 34, divorced for 3 years, two kids. An almost cliche story.
“Well look, everyone says that no couple is separated from the fault of one partner, but I really do not feel guilty about anything. It all started five years ago, when I felt my husband was getting colder and farther.
All the time he was at work and I began to suspect him that he was working something other than I thought; that he’s a undercover agent and I don’t know what the other crazy people are. Then I began to doubt my person, I tried to upgrade my sex life. This made him even less interested and still clamor for the need for personal space. I was beginning to feel no longer capable of anything.
The bottom line is that he had found one about eight years younger than me and was infinitely more interested in her than me and the children. The decision to end the torment through divorce came naturally, being encouraged by my own mother to see my life, raise my children and find someone else. All in all, I don’t know if I can still love someone else. However, I feel good and I do not regret the choice made.”
2. Ioana, 48, divorced for 12 years, remarried for 10 years
“I don’t see why anyone would be interested in this, but I will be very fairplay to you because you are nice and well-bred. I cheated on that fool with my current husband. That’s it, I’m not ashamed. There were times when I couldn’t even look in the mirror of disappointment towards my own person, but they passed.
The reason is something that many women do, but few recognize; my ex-husband was barren and I wanted children a lot. I didn’t feel that adoption was a good solution for me, dear, nor did I feel able to divorce from nothing. That’s because, I must admit, he was trying hard to compensate for his dysfunction. However, at one point I did not resist and felt that I did not love him anymore, so I started looking for someone else.
In order not to lengthen the story, after a year of relationship with my current husband, I dared and resorted to divorce. Then after my son was born, I remarried. I am happier than ever, but I wish the society would not judge so many women who seek their happiness elsewhere.”
3. Mihaela, 45, divorced for 4 years, 3 kids. A story that really made me think.
“I was afraid for about ten years to divorce my alcoholic and violent husband. I was scared not to kill myself, I was afraid not to judge those around me, especially the family and the church. You are young and you do not know, but in our country, in Moldova, violent men are seen as normal and good for the family. That’s just how you keep the woman in the loop and how you show your love.
It’s crazy, so the decision to file a divorce lawsuit entailed many others, such as a restraining order for my ex-husband and a soul divorce from my own family, which completely rejected me after my decision. I also chose the church, because I was treated as an object, not as a being. Everyone has always told me that I exaggerated the gravity of the situation …
I chose what was best for my children and I was inspired by the stories of other women seen on TV. I am tired of raising my children beaten and slapped by a drunk who consumes family money and I really want to tell you that financially we are doing better now, since no one drinks more money than he produces.
Since then, I have moved to another city, all the children go to school and, recently, I started going to church again, but sometimes it is still difficult for me to cope with all the pressure, now that I have no family to support me.”
4. Cristiana, 39, divorced for 6 years, lung cancer survivor, 2 kinds. The definition of revival.
“My story is simple. My ex-husband started treating me like a broken toy, good to put in the garbage as if waiting to die. I had a very short and unhappy marriage as a whole. I had just finished my master’s degree and I was working for a multinational. With the help of Facebook, I met my former friend, we started talking, everything was like a fairytale. We got married after a few months and had two children. It was a stressful life, and as a result of the marriage, it became even more stressful.
You may say someone cut his stars, I swear. From the warm and loving man, he became a leech that sucked even the last drop of energy from me. It was just gossip and commentary, nothing was good enough and nothing was satisfying. After I got sick, much like stress, the drummer forgot that it exists at all. He didn’t take care of me at all, he didn’t try to help me, he didn’t do anything useful. The children were even smaller and needed help too.
I divorced when I realized that I didn’t have to keep a sheet of paper in a drawer. I had nothing in common, I think he had someone else. The mere thought that the person I loved was waiting for me to die was indescribable. I decided to give up the first one and to detach myself from all that stress. I resigned, I divorced and now I have managed to overcome the illness.
I found another job, much more creative, even if I was paid less and I’m quite happy with myself. The family of origin has supported me enormously in all the efforts.”
5. Andreea, 27, divorced this year. She thinks that social media is a life-saver.
“I was a classmate with my ex-husband in middle school and high school. We were lovers since the seventh grade and only in college did we go to different specialties, within the same University, then we got married. I think we got bored with each other after a while and we pretty much exhausted everything we could.
The divorce was in agreement, we both wanted something new. The monotony was depressing and tense, which was also evident in the child. Thus we decided that it is better to find other partners and see each other for life. We remained good friends, and my daughter does not seem to have any restraint in spending time with any of us.
Soon she’ll start going to school and I am convinced that my ex-husband will take care of her as much as I do. In the meantime, I just found a man on the internet who I am interested in and want to get to know him as soon as possible. I hope he is the rescue I need.”
The conclusion is simple, dear ones.
People seem to be in many ways and their stories are as varied. However, I encourage you to never be in a relationship where you are treated as objects. Whether you are being abused, beaten or disrespected, no one deserves that. Also, don’t let anyone dictate what to do, otherwise, you will never be happy.
You have no reason to fear divorce!
I am going back to the pool; I need a bath…
Author: Cornea Catalin
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