Sometimes it’s hard, it’s hard to love yourself. It’s hard for me to keep up with all the things I have to do, to put myself in a better mood when I am clearly not in the mood. I am the kind of person who wants to do everything, to do a lot of things. I start different things at the same time. This is how I developed my toxic trait: I never finish what I start.
Sometimes it’s hard to have a job, to be a full-time student. Even to have a life outside of these things, to take care of my friends, family. Sometimes I need a rest. But, at least, no matter how hard it may get, I won’t quit, ever! Yes, I need rest to put myself together, but you’ll never see me quit.
I may lose myself, I may have days where my pajamas are my best friends. Days when I don’t even have the time to eat or to shower properly. At the end of the day, I am only human, I can’t be perfect and I don’t even want to. All I want is to be calm and not lose myself. So, to not let this happen, I’m trying to take care of myself, of my mind and my body, to love myself so much that these moments don’t matter.
WHAT? I HAD A REALLY LONG HARD DAY AND I NEED TO PUT MYSELF IN A BETTER MOOD
There are days when I am simply not in the mood, I shower quickly, I am in a rush so I skip some skincare routines. I am trying to make time for this as much as I can, so here is one of my favorite things to do: THE SHOWER, and I mean, THAT SHOWER. I turn off the lights and put on some special music (The Weeknd, Two Feet, Lana del Rey).
Music that puts me in the mood, something chill. I light up candles, the more the better. I let the water to get warmer and warmer, I use my hair treatments and wash my hair gently and my skin too. And of course, I use my favorite products, all of them with no shame.
So, after I am covered in bubbles, I grab a glass of wine. I would not recommend this in a shower, more in a bathtub. Also, in a bathtub, if I am not listening to music, I put Friends in the background because it’s one of my favorite shows. I use some face masks and some scrubs with coffee grounds and bananas.
Before I dress up, I choose my favorite clothes, based on my mood they are the ones I feel the sexiest and comfortable. I hydrate my skin, my hair, everything, with all my products. After all, I make myself some tea and keep the atmosphere with the candles and Friends and the lights off. Basically, do everything that makes you happy and do all your favorite things with no shame.
DON’T BE LAZY, YOU DESERVE IT, LOVE YOURSELF
Oh, those days. Sometimes I wake up without any will to live. I have days when I feel like I don’t deserve some things I really want. It’s about things that make me happy. Maybe it’s a dress, maybe it’s a cookie, maybe it’s a walk in the park, you name it. I feel like I am trapped in a world full of worries and the only things that matter are my job and my college studies. Sometimes I forget that I am a human and I need rest. So, after a while in this toxic world, I choose myself.
I go out, I dress up, doesn’t matter how fancy I look, being comfortable with myself is the most important thing. Then, I get the things: maybe the dress I want to buy for a very long time, maybe a walk in my favorite park, maybe some ingredients to make something sweet. A day full of me, because I don’t need someone to do these things with me. Yes, sometimes I do this stuff with my friends, but it’s ok to be alone, to spend time with yourself. To be able to do things alone, to be happy with you, this is very important.
A long time ago I was afraid to go out alone, but here I am today loving myself so much that it doesn’t matter if I am alone or not, I am still happy. I learned that my happiness doesn’t depend on someone else, but me. Definitely, this solved a lot of my problems and I am more than grateful today. Go out, dress up, and never give up!