Parents, the word that sometimes gives us instant headaches. Us, teenagers, have the world at our feet, or at least that is what our parents want us to think. They worry so much about offering us everything but often forget that attention and communication are worth more than any material things. So, our question is: How to deal with stressful parents?
I support the idea that all problems come from a lack of communication. With time, teenagers start meeting people and hanging out in different groups. That’s the moment when the parent thinks they’ve lost control, hence the groundings and stress.
How are our parents stressful?
It is normal for parents to become cautious and annoying when they notice something’s off. That’s why they come up with curfews and all kinds of conditions, such as “If you go out tonight, you gotta be home by this time and don’t drink because I’ll find out and you won’t be allowed to go out again for two months” and the list goes on.
However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. I can’t say that my parents are the strictest, they are actually quite permissive. I gotta admit, I am stubborn and I like doing things my way, but I often agree with them.
Something that I’ve learned from history and can be used in everyday life is the fact that what’s done, is done for good. For instance, if you leave home looking like Rapunzel but return with shorter hair than the prince who saves her, they can’t really do anything about it. It happened to me. Well, my hair wasn’t that short, but still close. Surprisingly, my dad was the happiest and he loved it.
And as I said, the list goes on: calling mom to ask her if I can go to a stand-up club when I already bought tickets. Or what’s the harm in leaving my little sister alone for an hour to meet up with a friend to talk important stuff? Well, I’ll tell you, it’s no fun coming home to a flooding bathroom because she left the faucet on. And how bad can it be to go partying with my friends but not answering my mom’s calls because the music is too loud and calling her later when all she wanted to ask me if I arrived safely and if I’m enjoying myself.
“I think that sometimes we’re making our parents seem scarier than they really are.”
Sometimes, they don’t even notice that you’re late or that you passed by them when you were with your friends. Or maybe they just don’t care that much.
You’ve always had the answer
I don’t want to give you outdated advice, but sometimes the simplest answer is the right one. These are the solutions we often ignore because we think there’s no way we think they’d work.
If you want to have a healthy relationship and a strong bond with your parents, don’t lie to them. I’m serious. Your parents are always gonna be there for you and because they feel the need to protect you, sometimes they tend to seem a little too much and create this tension. Furthermore, they must see that you’re thankful. Not too often, but from time to time, you have to thank them, as in “Dad, thank you for giving me the money to buy that sweatshirt. I didn’t give you the change back because I stopped at a coffee shop, you know.”
And now, let’s talk about school…
I often hear “Miruna, my parents ground me when I get bad grades”. But have you tried explaining to them why? ”I studied, I really tried but that’s the best I could do.”.
You know why parents are so pressing when it comes to school? Because they want the best for us and they want us to have a bright future. I am sure that if you try talking to them and explaining, they’d understand.
Now, here comes the tough part. How do you apply all that?
By getting over your pride, because when you take it too far, parents count that as being disrespectful. And besides, we shouldn’t let our ego come between us and our parents because they know us too well anyway. Another thing you can do is trying to understand them. Everyone is aware of how everything parents do is for the sake of their children. They go through a lot of stress and do unimaginable efforts to provide them everything they need, so the least you can do is be there for them and be supportive.
What’s in it for you?
Let’s say you’re in your twenties and of course that some years ago, you’ve done whatever was going through your head at the time. You graduated high-school or not, you got into college or not. Let’s say you didn’t get your high school diploma and hence, you didn’t go to uni. The harm has already been done and there’s no way you can change what already happened. What do you do? You come home to your parents and you start blaming them for not being strict enough and letting you end up a nobody. And again, all the weight is on their shoulders, even though it should be on yours.
That’s why my advice for you is to be careful what you do with your life before it’s too late. Let’s enjoy the company of the warmest and most sincere humans, our parents. And with all that, do what feels right for you, what makes you happy and remember that some years from now, you’ll be laughing at the things you are stressing so much about right now.
Authors: Miruna-Alexandra Pricop & Ana Maria Retegan