We’ve all had our insecurities. They might have been small and insignificant, but for others it’s the opposite. Many of us are tortured by our lack of confidence every single day. It is true that you cannot be always 100% confident in everything you do, say or think, but improvement is always welcomed, isn’t it? Then, my dear readers, let us begin on those tips, shall we?
Change ONLY if you want to
When I say that change shall come from within, I really mean it. For more than a decade I’ve been around people who did not like me for who I was (not anymore, thank God). People made comments that maybe don’t sound harsh, but they forced me to change into someone I didn’t feel comfortable in. If you feel yourself trapped into acting or putting a show just because some people don’t like you, you should reconsider this act. It can damage more than your confidence.
Let me give you a concrete example. I’ve always been full of energy. I loved talking, telling stories, making puns or silly jokes. Yet, a lot of the people around me hated my energy and overall, personality. And there weren’t just a few of them. So, I changed. I became quieter, I rarely talked, especially to those who hated me, and I felt miserable. Moral of the story? Unless you are hurting yourself or others, you should change just because YOU want to.
Improve and accept yourself
Back in high school and middle school I was chubby. Really chubby. And I did not like it, at all. I wanted a change. I had acne, my hair, although long, was damaged and thin. I was always slouching, hiding myself. So, after a tough brainstorming with myself, I decided to change in my first year of college. I lost almost 8kg, I bought acne treatments (they worked, btw) I cut my hair and started taking great care of it. These were the things I could improve for my own confidence
What about things we cannot change? I have one crooked tooth and I’m still debating whether is worth it or not to spend my money on braces. I have lots of scars, freckles and stretch marks and I cannot get rid of them. So, although it’s still kind of hard sometimes, I accepted them. They are a part of me, after all. So, what is stopping you from improving/and or accepting who you are?
Surround yourself with good people
“What is stopping you from improving/and or accepting who you are?” Mean people, this is stopping a lot of us from improving. I know that way to well. For 12 years of my life I thought I was annoying, boring and no matter what I did, I was worthless because people have told me this over and over again. They’ve told me to shut up, get lost, stop doing what I love most (drawing) because it’s “childish”. And I wanted to fit in so badly, I did as they said. I really thought there was something wrong with me because so many people have told me so.
And then, first year of college came. I was a freshman in a huge city and for the first time in years I did not care what people thought about me. So, I did not hide or pretend anymore since I was sick of it. And to my surprised, so many people were drawn into me because of what I was trying to hide. Whenever they tell me they love how talkative, social, full of energy, creative and confident I am I always remain speechless. Me? Confident? How? That’s when I realized that when you surround yourself with the right individuals, your confidence arises unconsciously.
Stop comparing yourself to other people, seriously
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others. Social media, all those models, influencers, or even “better” people have sprung up like mushrooms. Yet, comparing yourself to others is incredibly damaging not only for your confidence, but for your mental health too. Instead, compare yourself to your past self. See how much you’ve improved. Or, how you can improve in the future. You still have time to make things better.
I used to compare myself to a lot of people. From celebrities, to acquaintances, I’d see so many differences. I didn’t feel jealous or envious. I felt worthless. I couldn’t be like them: beautiful, successful, smart, talented. I was nothing and I fell deeper and deeper into an extremely dangerous rabbit hole. Not only my confidence was affected, but my trust as well. I’m on my way of recovering from all this mess. Things will get better. For you, for me, for everyone.
Take a break, pamper yourself
The thing is, from time to time, our lack of confidence is related to something that is not as painful as bullying or comparing yourself. Sometimes, it’s just your need of relaxing and doing your little self-care rituals. I used to be hectic with my work. I always pushed myself to the limits, ignoring my need. I wouldn’t take care of myself at all. I would stay in pajamas all day, with my tangled hair and huge eye-bags from my lack of sleep.
It’s not a bad thing to work and to constantly improve yourself. But what is too much can be damaging. So, take a break, take a bath, change your clothes, do something relaxing. Trust me, it might not seem like a huge thing, but having some you-moments is the perfect way of helping not just your confidence, but mental health to recover as well.
Of course, there will always be times when you don’t feel good about yourself, or about anything in general. That’s normal as long as it doesn’t corrupt your entire life. After all, nothing is truly permanent. Whether we are talking about confidence or anything else in this world, every single thing will wither and make room for new things that will wither as well. It’s a cyclic characteristic. But what about you? Are you willing to improve and accept yourself?