Growing up I’ve always struggled with expressing my feelings. I was a shy kid that would spend most of her lunch breaks alone. Sometimes I even hid under the table at play time, I was too anxious to talk to the other kids. But one day, a little blonde girl with beautiful braided hair, green eyes and bright colored pants came to me. She slid under the table and asked me to come play with her. After that day we became friends and I started hanging out with her friend group. While being in that friend group I always tried to be kind and liked by everyone.
But being so shy and insecure I couldn’t really use my words, so I used my hands instead! I started practicing and baking different thing every day until they actually started to taste good. And the first time a brought a dessert to school, it was amazing. I gave each one of my friends a slice of lemon tart and they all ate it and loved it! It filled me with joy and felt appreciated and loved. I finally felt that I am able to give something good back into the world. And like that I have found my love language and it was as simple as baking, but it worked for me.
What making others happy meant for me
I’ve always thought that my feelings are too big for such a small body. A lot of times they would overflow and I would get so overwhelmed. Every time I talked to a new person, I would repeat that conversation in my head over and over again. Thinking about every world I said, every gesture and even the pitch of my voice. I was so insecure and afraid, of people disliking or judging me. And now you may be thinking, people pleaser much? Well, yes. In a way I was a people pleaser but in my head. If people liked me it meant I was a good person that was worthy of love.
My love language became baking after every smile I received from a friend enjoying what I made. I used to stay up late to be able to make everything in time for school the next day. Working for something that would made another happy gave me great satisfaction. I didn’t want anything in return, apart from love and appreciation. Every time I bake, I listen to love songs, this way little drops of love are mixed in with the ingredients each time. Making all baked goods a small part of me, that I im able to share with the ones I love.
Was it always easy?
No, no it wasn’t. I was actually very bad at it at first and would only know how to make brownies. But those brownies were very good and luckily people loved them so much that they only asked for them. Which gave me lots of time to practice and get better and better. But I still did because it wasn’t about being perfect it was about showing my loved ones that I care about them. In school I used to prepare something special for every one of my friends on their birthday. Unicorn or beach cupcakes, some simple blueberry and maple pancakes and sometimes even a whole cake!
It was great and I loved doing it. I loved making people happy and bringing something sweet in their day. No words are needed to express my love, just a warm cookie and a sweet hug. That’s more than enough.
Don’t give out all your cookies though, you might get hungry later
Sure, I loved being there for others and showing my love. But sometimes whether you like it or not, expectations are made and you start wondering what other’s love language may be? If it isn’t baking then what is it? How do my friends show me that they love me the way I show them that I love them? When are they going to love me back? I was expecting them to give their love back and they didn’t. My old friends were the type of people that would only take and never return, and I thought that it was my fault. But it wasn’t. I realized that it was not the way I loved that was wrong but the people I was addressing it to. My love language could still be baking but the receiver had to change.
After learning that lesson I started keeping some love for myself too. While I still give out random baked goods to the people I love, sometimes I make them for myself. There is nothing wrong in giving out your love to people as long as you know to moderate it. Be careful who you give your love to and make sure to keep some for yourself. Because sometimes no one is there to have your back, so you have to have it yourself.