. In every dessert recipe I read as a child I always found the same ingredient that left me confused. Why is salt in my brownies recipe? I often asked myself. I never understood why I needed to add something salty in my sweets, while baking I used to jump over this step all the time. Maybe that’s why my mom’s sweets tasted differently; I realize now that I think about it. Well, the reason behind it was actually quite simple, the sweetness of the sugar is enhanced by salt. Not only that as the salt is considered the yin to sugar’s yang, which helps the dessert reach the perfect flavor balance. Isn’t it funny how this simple equation is actually a good metaphor for life? Everybody wants a happy care-free life where healing is a linear process that you just have to complete.
But unfortunately, this is not how life works. Life has something in store for each and every one of us. We go through hard times and we are kicked to the ground, time and again we find ourselves in a dark tunnel that doesn’t seem to have an end. “You have to get up!”, “love yourself to heal yourself” they say to help us, but it doesn’t work like that. Healing is not a linear process, it’s a long way and a hard reality to have to face every day. It has ups and downs, bad and good days, it comes slowly but surely.
What if what I’m healing from seems pathetic?
Remember one thing, if it causes you pain, if you lay at night crying about it then it matters and its valid. Your feelings are valid even if the everybody surrounding you tell you otherwise. When you share your thoughts and feelings with somebody close to you, and they undermine it and make you feel bad for it, you are not the problem in that relationship.
Whether it is your best friend, significant other or even a close family member. Your relationship has to be first of all on mutual respect and then on love, you cannot truly love or care for someone if you do not respect them. Every loss is a valid loss and every wound needs to be healed. Even if it leaves behind a scar, wear your scars proudly, they are your badges of survival.
Sometimes the battels we fight and hardships we face are hidden and silent. Not every loss is visible and not every tear is shed in front of others, those silent battels are the hardest to endure. You have to pick yourself up and gather up the broken pieces of your heart and trust.
When we are doing better but the bad days come around…
So, you fought your battle, you are learning to love yourself again and you are finally able to smile without feeling your cheeks cracking from the pressure of tears that are trapped inside. But what happens when you wake up one day feeling anxious again? Or when you are living your day normally, unknowingly that you are going to hear that specific song. Or see them on someone’s Insta story and fall right back into that endless loop? What can we do when the ghosts of the past are lurking in the dark? Patiently waiting for you to feel their presence.
When you feel those old thoughts creep in, when your mind is getting fogged by all of your confused feelings. Questions start to pop up, but what if it’s my fault? What if I’m the bad guy? Could I be the one suffering and also the wrongdoer? All of those questions are okay. It’s okay to get tired of being strong, healing and being strong is exhausting. It’s okay to cry after months of never even thinking about it. But most importantly, it’s okay to have some bad days, it is so normal you are a human being.
Even though we think that yes, I am finally healed now after this much time has passed, but that’s not how healing works. Healing is a long journey that you take in your life, it’s a bumpy road that you walk through, those bumps may slash your tires but there are also pretty daises for you to pick up on the side of the road.it is not a linear process that you start at point 0 and go up to 100.
Don’t fake it till you make it, feel it till you heal it.
I’m sure that you tried at some point to seem fine, maybe after a few short days; to show that you are strong. But strength isn’t not having weaknesses, it’s to be able to be able to pick yourself up, dust off and keep going! Trying to seem happy and unbothered all the time will only eat you alive. You can fool everybody around you but you cannot trick yourself. Your heart knows that you are hurt and tired, but now you need to know that it’s perfectly normal. The journey of healing is filled with both growth and sorrow, just because you had a bad day doesn’t mean the progress is gone.
So, maybe you texted your Ex at 3 am after months of development, or reached out to that toxic friend again. Taking a few steps back doesn’t ruin the whole way ahead of you. So, what if it takes more time? Or if you feel into the old habits again? You can restart the next day and come back even stronger. You are not in competition with anybody else or even with time, every person is different and every person heals differently and that’s okay.
This is your life! Don’t let anyone take control of it, you are in control of your own happiness and the way it comes. Take care of your heart and of yourself, stay healthy and proud. Of who you are and what you will become. Regardless of the past you lived and how hard it was, you are here now and you are here to stay stronger and better than ever.