Funny stories made possible by alcohol

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alcohol
alcohol

You’re familiar with this concept already, and we return with new confessions of young people. They are funnier this time, and our colleagues didn’t shy away from exposing their unbelievable drunk memories. Although the article leans on the entertaining side and is for fun, we want to tell you that alcohol is never a solution. In most cases, serious things can occur from a seemingly innocent joke. We present to you… Funny stories made possible by alcohol!

We repeat that we aren’t promoting the consumption of alcohol, we just aim to present some funny memories. So, here we go again.

Drunk times are a heavenly thing if you do everything in moderation and with good measure. Real friendships make themselves known when you’re in a state of ebriety. Moreover, the most beautiful memories are the ones that stay with you after drunkenness, a festival or concert. Teenagers take refuge in alcohol to escape from sorrow, but

I learned to take whatever life gives me and feel good anyway.

I can’t say that one memory about alcohol is more memorable than another. Each one has its own particular cool thing, equally leaving its mark on me. If you really want to hear something funny, we’ll have to stick together for a while because I’m every party’s soul  (yeah, sure).

And for real, I could spend lots of days talking about how I am the smartest person ever mixing drinks. Needless to say, I’ll be complaining the next day about that tummy ache. I could talk for weeks on end about every “intellectual discussion” and stupid thing under the influence of alcohol.

So let me tell you how my 18th birthday party was. (In Romania, when you turn 18, you are legally an adult). After 5 shots I was already a philosopher and I was talking as loud as the older ladies on the bus when you tell them “Ma’am, I won’t give up my seat!” I remember I was going to the club, like everyone who has nowhere to go to celebrate legal age and also needs a last-minute solution. We were clumsy and drunk down the boulevard and we were shouting all kinds of stuff.

I don’t think I was ever happier than at that moment.

I’ll never forget the first drink, 14 years and a small hope, there’s nothing more to be said. I’ll never forget the party night in Vama Veche together with fine people and all the advice about how to avoid weirdos.

All I can say is that I love life, be it good or bad, and I recommend you to take everything it has to offer. Don’t miss a chance to get drunk, you risk missing out on super fun memories! But, take care of yourself and do not exceed the limit, because beautiful memories can become regrets in a nanosecond. So, be responsible and have fun.

-Georgiana Badea

The first major drinking sessions, oh, but what beautiful memories! It all gets more exciting with a dear brother-in-law like mine. Not that we were that rebellious, but this man is too cool not to deserve to appear in my confession.

“Beautiful evening, beer and old wine on the table …”

A beastly brother-in-law, a 13-year-old girl (this happened 3 years ago, when I didn’t know what’s with me, I don’t know now either, but that’s another story), two crazy people in action.

He was drinking some beer, like he would do every night, and began telling me about his experiences in the 27 years he had gathered so far. Everything all dandy up until I let go of the book I was reading and, urged by the big man, take a hefty sip of beer. Oops, you wonder what happens next? Look, beer is good when you drink it with the most badass brother-in-law. After some time, St. Beer put his hand on my head and said, “Drink, my girl, drink! That’s the only way you’ll bring liberation and salvation to your Lord. ”

I don’t understand how that man could sustain so much alcohol then, that he didn’t start losing his senses, like me, for example. I was telling my mother about all the nonsense I could think of, and about non-existent exes. When the waters calmed down, as well as yours truly, what academic idea reveals itself to the big man: to take a “night” stroll and visit the neighbors.

I told myself that I might as well go with it since I started drinking anyway.

We grabbed ahold of each other’s arms and, without realizing what we were doing, we left singing. “Eu beau vinu’ cu borcanu!” (a popular Romanian drinking song) was our serenade. We woke up all the dogs and had an idea, so we started knocking the neighbors’ doors like we were the priest’s team walking to get the contribution.

People kicked our asses and insulted us. Also, glasses of wine and, obviously, love. Another proof that drinking unites souls, even if in the morning you do not remember anything and you wake up with dozens of people at the door wondering if you have been drugged or if your mother gave you birth in this state. So yes, out of two people who hated each other, the drink made two brothers.

-Raluca Voda

First of all, I would like to mention that alcohol is not the solution. At least in most cases, when it has a “calming” effect on some people, because, the effects given by it vary. In most cases individuals are acting violently, their functions are slowed down, etc., so it must be consumed responsibly!

You know what they say: at 18 you can do legally… what you did before. Okay, I don’t have much until 18, now, at the time of writing, my birthday will be in two weeks. I would not want to talk about all the drinks I ever had, rather I would like to focus on the worst.

I am not an alcoholic, but as a poet, it is a way of carelessness, I repeat, not of escape, but carelessness. Even though I’m reacting quite well to alcohol, in some situations it’s helping me to calm down, not to worry about the worries I have, but still knowing that they are still there.

After every 18th birthday party I went to, I learned some things.

For example, I don’t have to eat long before and after drinking like a pig, because otherwise, I’ll feel sick… I fall asleep on the table while the others eat cake, wake up, vomit and go back to the party. To avoid this unwanted situation, I usually ate every time I took a shot, and then, improperly said, I danced, so as not to fall asleep and the story would repeat itself. Ok, boomer, you’re not here to turn confessions into tips & tricks for drunk times.

Ignoring my rough side, I really don’t want you to be like me. I mean, I was this summer at BRC, and on the second evening I had the urge to drink, anything but “non-alcoholic water”. When I got there, I started with two beers, which I thought was insignificant, so I went down, then climbed up to the Mac, where I bought a bottle of vodka from a non-stop market.

Going the other way, this time, we went to the camping area, where we drank about 400 ml of vodka, and over an hour, another 200ml all at once.

I can only tell you that those 200 ml rendered me kaput.

I know, I’m not proud of myself, that I could sustain more. After about 15 minutes I was hungry and I asked a friend to come with me and buy me kűrtos calács, from a market stall.

I got there, I bought one, but the problem was when I put it in the backpack… a quarter had broken down and had fallen on the floor. Then, when I leaned over to grab that piece to put it in the backpack, the rest fell as well… The seller looks at us: “I won’t give you another one!”.

In the end, that friend persuaded me to throw the kűrtos in the garbage bin… Immediately afterward, we returned to the camping site. I laid on the grass and slept for 3 hours uninterrupted. As I awoke to vomit, I remembered a red-haired girl named Bianca. A girl, who, according to my friend, was only there waiting for me to come to my senses and give me a drink… I can say that that wasn’t going to happen because I wouldn’t even unlock my phone for my friend to respond to some messages.

“What I learned from this, I hope, is that I don’t have to abuse alcohol to get into situations like this, even if I won’t have any more stories to tell.” What can I say any more? I hope you don’t follow my example and I hope to drink more at the 18th birthday parties, lol.

-Alexandru Cojocariu

I cannot say that I am a big fan of alcohol.

At least not now, but like any teenager, I had my phase of rebellion. No, not proud of this, but the beautiful and funny memories remain. One of the funniest memories of drinking was about four years ago. Oh God, I was young, stupid, and I didn’t know how much those “few” glasses could affect you. Along with several friends, we decided to go to a cottage, to have fun on the weekend. All fine and dandy, a barbecue, Guţă, the Romanian “manele” singer were entertaining us and our bellies, games, and jokes.

Until someone, and I won’t name names (Edi) -I hope you read this, and I hope you will beat yourself- kickstarted the fun. Time was passing, we were having a fun time, the bottles and glasses were getting empty, and everybody was slowly beginning to lose their head. What the? Shouldn’t I follow their lead? You could hear my mouth from three miles away, shouting “Someone, go to the store already and buy more drinks!” As if we weren’t at the ends of the Earth, and the first store was an hour away, closed at this hour, by the way.

What thought appeared into our minds, in order to keep the party going: opposite, there was a sheepfold, with a few animals still outside, and bad ideas appeared immediately. Almost all the gang, “quietly” not to wake up the owner of the stable and get in trouble, jumped the fence. A boy with a lot of alcohol on board, and obviously nerve, untied the rope with which a horse was tied to a pole, and was pulling it after him.

I don’t even want to think about what was in the poor animal’s mind, who quietly followed him.

In our very lucid mind, we didn’t realize that we were still on other people’s propriety.
So I took the horse to the fence, we jumped to the other side and what do you think happens next? Seven fools climb the fence and “try” to jump back, but not just any way, trying to ride the horse. “Of course we couldn’t because the animal was smarter than us.”

It kept moving so that we couldn’t ride it. We were trying one after the other, laughing at ourselves, and kept on jumping, until the horse got tired of us and went away. Another friend started yelling, glad that he had found a pony, or unicorn, I don’t know exactly what he said. But the wound he had in the morning confirmed that there are no unicorns… only dogs that weren’t too happy about our night visit.

-Antonia Negrea

I’m the kind of human who isn’t that good of a friend with alcohol. This is due to events that happened during my childhood, but I can tell you about what happened to friends dear to me. Evidently, I won’t tell the name of this friend, because I’ll be smacked, so, I’ll call them X. This wonderful friend X has an exquisite voice, a member of a vocal choir. The winter celebrations were undergoing, so their choir sang different recitals and carols and whatnot.

Before an act that was going to be held in a church, all of them got drunk.

Everyone drank in moderation, except for my dear and wonderful friend, who emptied entire glasses, and they were on the floor. They continued with the show and had a solo moment. The choir leader told them that “you sang exceptionally.” After they left the church, they saw a dog, after which they started running for hundreds of meters. They started yelling to the poor dog “C’mon doggie-doggie, let’s shag!” On the bus, they were boasting about how they were close to having sex with a dog. Afterward, he fell asleep somewhere.

-Stefan Ciobanita

I have to admit, alcohol and I don’t intersect very often, but when we do, it’s wild. There are plenty of examples that come to my mind right now, but I remember best the cabin in November, the famous cabin filled with highschool ball participants.

Skipping the details, the incident took place on the last night.

The music, drinks and those good vibes were there. After a few songs and enough shots to see Cardi B dancing to manele, the DJ puts on that sad song that everyone (in Romania) knows, “Daca ploaia s-ar opri” from Cargo. Everyone splits into pairs and start dancing.

For a few seconds, I felt like every last man was dancing and I was alone at the table with two glasses of wine, when, suddenly, I find my escape plan. One of the ball organizers, who was walking by. I didn’t spend too much time thinking and I played my card, inviting her to dance. What’s curious is that she accepted without hesitation, but that matters little.

And, although generally, I didn’t perceive her to be wow or ugly, under the influence of alcohol I could swear that she was my future wife. Thus, I uttered a phrase that I’ll regret all my life. As our bodies moved slowly along the rhythm of the song, the girl noticed that I looked at her like Messi at the World Cup trophy and asked me, chuckling: “What happened?”. Like the last junkie on Earth, I say, “Two.” Seeing that she was confused, I clarify by saying the stupidity.

“We will marry and we will have two children.”

I was expecting to get slapped so hard the Earth would tremble; instead, she starts giggling again. I was already hoping for a date, to see just how much of an idiot I was. But all she said was “Congratulations.”

I got shut down like you shut down Windows XP. She didn’t seem to care, why would I expect her to be pleasantly surprised or shocked? With my pride almost destroyed, I didn’t even wait for the song to end and I went back to my room. I just wanted to stretch out a little bit and then freshen up.

And as I imagined my contact with the holy bed, I enter the room. I immediately rush to the bathroom and throw up all my memories (and the drink consumed). As soon as I leave the bath, my head hits a wooden surface that seemed to be a door, at which point I realized that karma existed, given the stupidity I had said before.

The rest? Blackout.

That was until I woke up, amazed that I had fallen asleep on the floor and still wanting fun. Did I say fun? I could have sworn it was still the middle of the night and everyone was still partying. However, reality hit me below the belt with the conclusion that I had awakened at 8 AM. Yeah, I missed the rest of the party. So what I’m trying to describe here is a simple equation:

Lots of drinks + rejects from an estrogen-possessed exemplary + door in the head ≠ party. Since then, I have learned something important. Next time, when I plan to go to parties, I will not try to hook up. 200% chance of failing.

-Anonymous

I find it hard to talk about a funny event related to alcohol because I rarely consume.

The only notable mention would be from November when I was abroad and I combined beer, with shots and with strong liquor, playing a game. Basically I drank at least one shot each round. It was the first time I got drunk as hell. I felt like the people you could see on YouTube, going in all directions on the street and crashing into a bus station.

Still, my mind was lucid. However, I continuously wanted to make fun of myself and I couldn’t stop laughing. When I got to my room, I puked in my bed. Like, yey. You had to see how the bathroom looked. “I don’t think I’ll drink again soon… I think I said it too soon.”

-Anonymous

We hope that we have improved your day with these miraculous confessions. Moreover, we hope that you understood the morals as well. “You’re not stupid or as they say, a drunkard, because you live your life. It’s ok if you allow yourself a break from time to time with an adventure.” You’re just another teenager with thousands of dreams in their pockets, and a backpack to fill with memories, even from drunkenness.

If you want to read more confessions, we have the right article for you! Check this!

Photo: Filip Andreea

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