Toxic parents, or even relatives, are something we’ve all dealt with. I don’t even know one individual that would ever be able to admit that they’re in a perfectly good or healthy relationship with their parents. Now, don’t get me wrong, toxic parenting isn’t just being told: “you’re grounded for two weeks” or “please clean your room” or other remarks like these ones. Dear parents, we love you, but we just don’t like you!
Toxic parenting is not tolerating your child’s personality, wanting them to follow a path you’ve failed in following, not giving them any privacy at all. Toxic parenting is not supporting their dreams and aspirations just because they’re not up to your standards or expectations and so many other things.
While some of you may perceive me as a spoiled kid that somehow, is never satisfied with the attention and rewards he receives, the right ones will get this. This one’s for you, sweethearts, if you come from a toxic, dysfunctional family, make sure a toxic family doesn’t come from you!
I wanna start by letting you know, every parent alive wants nothing but the absolute best for their children. That’s why, dear parents, we love you.
You may have heard this thousands of times, haven’t you? This is part of the basic lecture we know by heart now. Every time you’ve screwed up at school, every time you’ve said something you just weren’t supposed to say (and yes, this is another sign of toxic parenting, limiting what kids could say, or do, not letting them express themselves), and so forth, you were told: “we only want the best for you, trust us”. And… I just got to trust them. Crazy, right?
Well, look beyond that, beyond their obsessions and fixations, behind their need to know everything (and by this I mean, basically, everything) that’s going on in your life.
They’re human beings, exactly as you are.
They may have more life experience than you do, but trust me, they’re teens at heart. Sometimes they wanna lay in bed and not talk to anyone. Sometimes they feel the need to dance in supermarkets. They feel the need to get drunk and do dumb shit. They feel the need to cry or hysterically laugh… And just like us, they have frustrations and scars. Sometimes they don’t know how to manifest or control themselves. They don’t know how to fix you, how to get you from being exactly as incomplete as they are, to perfectly fine. And mum, if you see this, please know that you don’t have to. We’re all a little broken. Every soul is a little scattered, but that’s just beautiful, that is what’s mesmerizing about life, about living.
Truth is, they’re constantly controlling your life because they’ve either lost control in their lives and just went with the flow or because they know someone who did. They don’t hate you, and you shouldn’t either. While having no privacy at all is awful (been there, still am there), try to be a little more sympathetic. You can’t be mad at them when you understand their reasons for doing things.
They don’t seem to figure out how to deal with us and our problems. While you’re the younger sibling, not all the things and tactics that worked for your older ones would work for you. We’re all different individuals.
I know it’s like a constant love-hate situation. I know you can never speak your mind. Yes, I also know that you can never fully enjoy yourself when going out or when at parties. I know there are so many things to this that I just don’t know about.
Please take into account that time’s an illusion and that everything, absolutely everything is temporary. We’ll be fine, we’ll heal.
Not only you need to be sympathetic to your parents, but you have, you need (it’s a definite must) to show love and compassion to your friends, your classmates, even acquaintances, to the people you see daily on the bus, to everyone. Some of us are coming from dysfunctional families, some of us move house a lot, some of us are getting bullied, some of us are misunderstood 24/7, or maybe all of them at once. Show love to everybody. It doesn’t hurt you at all, but it could definitely restore someone’s faith in humanity.
Another thing I hate about some parents is their reasoning for having kids. Some say “because I need someone to take care of me when I’m old”. Or, you may as well hear “because I needed to save my marriage”. I’ll say this once again… The only reason you should have kids is that you want to nurture another human being, because you want to help someone flourish in their own way.
If we flip this around, you may have already observed that lots of parenting and even teaching techniques are just socially approved bullying. If you wanna stop bullies from getting corporate and political power, try to make your voice heard. Even if no one’s listening, just try. Also, think again before teasing the younger. Think again before calling them silly names (they may seem funny to you, but in reality, they can really harm one’s self-esteem).
This is for all the parents reading this. Dear parents, we love you, but we just don’t like you.
And to all the kids or adults that have grown up in toxic households… You’re great, you’re worthy, you’re unique, you’ll heal, you’ll succeed. But most importantly, we’re here if you wanna vent.
If you wanna know how to deal with stressful parents, we have the solution there!