Men are stupid and women are crazy. We are just too different, it’s impossible to be “just friends”. In every boy-girl friendship, there is always one who ends up falling for the other. I bet you’ve heard one if not all of those things before. This idea of classifying men and women as polar opposites is not something new. It’s actually the main idea that our society is based on. But regardless of that, all of the statements mentioned above are so stupid and wrong. Sure, men and women are very different. But there are many things out there that we have in common, and those things could potentially be the base of a very beautiful and long friendship.
This idea is close minded and just old. It’s based on the fact that the only thing women and men are seeking from each other is sex. This idea doesn’t really fit in today’s society where firstly, there are non-binary people that don’t really have a specific space on that spectrum. And Secondly, there isn’t really a field that is solely dedicated for a specific gender, anymore. So, we agree that opposed genders can be friends, and have common interests. But how about best friends?
The difference between us in friendships and attachment styles.
To be able to answer the question, “Can people of opposed genders be best friends?” We need to first analyze the difference between the traditional two genders. Male and female.
While a female friendship bases its foundation on trust and sharing, male friendships tend to have a foundation made out of shared experiences and happy moments. With that being said, girls would usually convey to each other and share most, if not all of their thoughts and feelings. This allows their friendship to grow in a different but more intimate way than a male one would. face to face contact and communication are very important. As most women need to first build a foundation of trust, resulting from sharing secrets and talking everything out, to later be able to form a strong bond.
Men on the other hand, don’t rely on sharing as much as they rely on experiences and times spend together. This may be why, in most cases, men would have more crazy stories and happenings than women would. Men are simple creatures; they enjoy shared activities and bond in that way. For them the good times and laughs are more entertaining than endless conversations with your friend, trying to see which one is more damaged. And while both friendship natures are different it doesn’t mean that one is stronger or better than the other.
The clashing of both worlds
How about girls and guys friendships. Well, this is the interesting part. As both sides bring to the table two new things that weren’t found in the relationships before. When starting to get closer and closer to each other, it feels a lot like an encounter with an alien. Women tend to feel more adventures and fun, they try new things in more chill way than before. As I mentioned before men are simple creatures, and that’s why they are pleased with very little. This may be at first shocking for the girl. But slowly it rubs off and they become more adventures and laid back too.
And when the roles are reversed, men unlock a new feature, talking about your feelings. Yes, I am aware that guys talk with each other. But there is a certain limit to that trust, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t trust their guy friends. It’s just in a woman’s nature to be more nurturing and understanding. That makes it easier to open up and talk to your female friends. It may also be due to the idea that men need to be strong all the time, and the fear of being judged by another. While this mix can lead up to a great friendship. It also can be the exact reason why best friends are usually unlikely to be of the opposed gender.
How to make it work!
From my personal experience, I think that in order to have a genuine, real bond. A few things need to happen. Setting clear boundaries is a must. As your best friend they need to understand where the line is drawn, and not pass that. Another very important element is communication. One that is based on respect, and understanding of each other’s intentions.
When people two people of the opposed gender are best friends there is a lot there. There are a lot of intimate moments and times that they both share and value. And because of the differences mentioned above, something happens. Emotional attachments are formed, those attachments are something that men don’t find in other male-male friendships. This leads to the female best friend having a specific role. A role that usually a partner would like to have. And while women can share the same emotional intimacy with their other female friends. Most men can’t. And this is why when a partner of either one of the two friends comes into the equation, Things tend to get complicated.
It may be easy when it’s just the two of you, but when other people get involved it’s just different. But it’s also a great opportunity to look into what kind of person is your best friend. Some girls would get jealous and try to prove that they are better than the new girlfriend. Or other times it’s the guy that acts out. He would try to seem like the alpha man and try to make you feel bad about sharing your time. Some guys will want your attention only for themselves, and when its divided, their ego takes a hit. This the kind of guy that you need to stay away from, they would see your partner as competition. This behavior will not only push you away but it can also affect your relationship.
How to deal with the new equation
The best way to deal with it is, in my opinion, an open conversation. You have to talk out the fact that your relationship is going to change. And that you need to give your partner a special part in your life too. Yes, it may suck but this is the healthiest and most mature way to deal with it. But here is where men find a problem, as they already formed an emotional bond with that girl best friend. And when it’s time to do it with another girl it gets kind of complicated. As the girlfriend of course wants to be the closest person to you. But you can’t just throw away your best friend. That’s why you have to set clear boundaries and limits.
Otherwise, things may end on bad terms. Making you lose both your best friend and lover; you need to differentiate between the two while still keeping both of them. You need to be supportive and honest with your best friend. And understand that them getting a partner is not the end of your friendship. Being understanding, forgiving and mature is the way you keep people in your life. Fighting and shift blaming or even spreading ridiculous rumours is a very childish way of handling things. Just because your best friend is now dating somebody, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Or that they won’t have time for you. And it surely doesn’t mean that they are dating them to make you jealous!
Be thoughtful and mature to keep the ones you love close to you.