Birthday wishes – June 30th
I despise my birthday, despite the flowers and the gifts.
This day is just another reminder of how lonely I am;
and how I can bury myself in roses, but my soul will remain hollow forever;
because nothing can replace you.
Days blend in and they feel the same,
is today truly my birthday?
It feels like another ordinary day when I try to find myself in this crowd of shattered pieces of hearts.
I feel like a stranger in my own life – a parasite.
It feels absurd to celebrate myself.
But I should celebrate.
I should feel spectacular, youthful.
Instead, I am expressing my hostility in sheer words.
But this is all I have: words.
And I am begging you, Lord,
Do not take away my ability to write
because without it, I would be dead.
And there wouldn’t be anyone in this world to grieve me;
and my poor soul will travel through decades of sorrow before finding its rest.
“Happy birthday”, everyone says.
And I mutter a simple “Thank you”, overly excited for this horrid experience to end.
I feel like I can no longer contain this hatred and I want to scream.
But I am just a child.
I am just a tiny creature in this tremendous nightmare you call life.
But then again, I remember your last “Happy birthday” and somehow this day becomes bearable.
I drown myself in verses and divine phrases, so I can survive this day.
But even after thousands of verses, I still cannot call myself a poet
because you are gone and nobody recites my poetry anymore.
And I am sad.
But somewhere far, far away from here, the sun is setting and this day is over.
And maybe tomorrow won’t be so gloomy.