Most people prefer to keep themselves within societal limits and don’t dare go beyond. That’s a valid choice for some people, as they might prefer the safety net of close-knit society. However, this tendency of many people to let themselves be completely shaped by external influence leads to a lot of unfortunate situations. One of such situations is rejecting adoption as a valid way of creating a family. As such, here are some of the common misconceptions about adoption and adopted children refuted.
Adopted children are weird/inferior/intellectually (or otherwise) challenged
This should be a no-brainer, but a lot of people actually believe this. Of course, children given up for adoption can develop disorders because of the circumstances they’ve been brought up in, such as Reactive Attachment Disorder, but they are absolutely manageable for the most part. Luckily, you can choose the child you want to adopt and if they appear to be more than a couple could handle, they will not be placed with said couple. That can’t be said for biological children – once you’ve brought them into this world, you can’t give them back, regardless of their issues.
Because of trauma or consistent abuse, orphan children may appear to be intellectually behind other children of the same age. This can be overcome with care and therapy (which should be normalized). There are also cases of children actually being intellectually (and/or physically) disabled, which happens with biological children as well. There is no child born into this world that is exempt from possible mental or physical disadvantages. And that doesn’t mean they are inherently inferior.
This brings me to my next point. Too many people view children given up for adoption as inherently inferior. This is absolutely disgusting and the phrase used to defend this viewpoint is often something along the lines of ‘It’s different when you have your own child!’, as if there is some inherent quality that differentiates their own baby from another baby. Newsflash: an adopted child might have superior genetic qualities in comparison to their adoptive parents, if we want to go down that route. Your personal genes are not the best out there and it reeks of narcissism.
Parents that adopt can’t bond to their children
…really? This one just dumbfounds me. How is it that so many people adopt and bond just fine with their children? Isn’t it rather abnormal that you seemingly can’t bond to a child that isn’t bound to you biologically? This raises all sorts of red flags. Does that mean that said person would ignore a child in danger because the child isn’t theirs and, as such, they don’t care? Does that mean they would hurt a child that isn’t theirs because they represent competition to their offspring? People often love their pets as much as they would their children – it shows empathy and ability to bond, not inferiority.
Even wild, uncivilized animals can adopt children and have empathy for others, outside their very close circle. It’s not unheard of. Also, the opposite happens way more often – biological parents that seem to hate the absolute guts of their biological children. There are too many cases of neglect, abuse and murder coming from biological parents – otherwise, why would there be so many children put up for adoption in the first place? Tragedies like losing both of your biological parents aren’t that common.
Adopted children don’t love their parents
This also doesn’t make sense, especially if the child was older when adopted. They can remember the life before being taken in to a loving home, so why wouldn’t they love their protectors? If there is a case of parents being abusive, no child would love them – whether adopted or not.
Of course, some people take this misconception to the extreme and assume all adopted children secretly hate their parents and want to murder them. Unless extreme abuse or mental illness is at play, there’s no reason to believe such insane things. Adoption is irrelevant here.
Adopted children turn on their parents and seek their biological family
Surely, there are some adopted children that are deeply curious about their ancestry, which isn’t inherently wrong. As such, it’s normal to want to reconnect with their biological family in order to obtain more information. For example, maybe they are curious about possible genetic issues or maybe they want to know what they are comprised of, genetically speaking. Many adoption agencies or systems don’t offer that information.
There are also some people that make it their life tragedy that they’d been adopted, as if that is a tragedy in and itself. There are rare cases where a child is abducted and sold to some other family; they are mistakenly swapped at birth or some other bizarre circumstance. I would say it’s justified to want to ‘go back’ to the family they’d taken from, especially if they see their current family as a bunch of liars. Otherwise, unless you buy into the ‘bio family the best’ propaganda, you shouldn’t be affected by being adopted.