Hello, my dear. Yes, you, a specimen of the beautiful sex. To you, the imperfect woman, I address everything that you’re going to read and I’ll try to change your opinion, as well as the opinion of other women regarding insecurities based on their physical aspect.
Until lately, I fought with the insecurities that my brain offered regarding my body. I battled against too many kilograms, cellulite, stretch marks, breasts that were not of my liking, lips that could be a little more robust and the list can go on. Do you resonate with what I’m saying? Good, let’s progress. It’s so hard to fight against yourself to lose or gain weight, I know. It’s hard to fight off the sweet tooth or the restrictions of any food you love.
Yeah, I was also looking in the mirror and I wanted to cry.
I was regretting so bad the moment I had eaten a bar of chocolate, and I felt guilty of desiring something sweet. I covered my stretch marks in shame with a scarf when I would go to the beach, they seemed horrible. Even if outside there was a hot summer sun, I had the impression that I’ll never get rid of cellulite and I would only wear long jeans.
How did I get over it? I grew up. I realized that diet isn’t the solution, but rather a healthy way of life. Slowly but surely, you get rid of unneeded kilograms, even though I still have scars, the stretch marks and cellulite are still there, but it’s ok. Why is it ok? Because they’re part of me. I learned to accept myself like this, with little marks on the thighs, at the end of the day, I’m my own fruit. My effort, losing weight comes along with the stretch marks that seem incredibly sexy to me now, to be honest.
If you want to know more about self-love and how to embrace your imperfections, check out this article!
I asked multiple women what bothers them the most about their bodies and why.
This made me realize that in reality, we follow a pattern imposed on us. We have an ideology of beauty implanted in our head and we’re under the impression that this is the only correct way. How did I realize this? Approximately the same things bother us women and all of us search for the perfect body, 90-60-90 with supple breasts and an hourglass waist.
My mom was the only woman who answered me concisely about why we’re so wanting to look “good”. Even though this so-called good is imposed by the same model and in no case by the unique beauty of every person. I consider my mom the most beautiful woman in the world, and yet, she tortures herself over not fitting in some jeans anymore. She says that when they used to fit, she was beautiful. At that moment she suddenly stopped and told me that that was what society does. It makes us ashamed that we don’t have 15 fewer kilograms than our height, that we’re not bathing suit models. She told me that it’s not good to think like that. When I asked her about the most visible marks on her body she showed me her abdomen with some quite big and evident stretch marks.
But she smiled, telling me that she loves those the most. She had developed the stretch marks while being pregnant with me.
Meanwhile, I asked for the advice of my best friend. The stretch marks on the thighs and those on the breasts make her have doubts about her beauty as well. This thing upsets me, because I, personally, perceive her as extraordinarily beautiful. She has long, hazelnut hair, olive-colored skin tone and beautiful brown eyes that can make a person lose themselves. She has a harmonious body and some really beautiful shapes. Even so, she feels unsure because of those stretch marks.
After some time, I remember my cousin, a “curvy” person on the plus size. A person who always tortured herself to lose weight, to look good. A person that had always wanted to redesign her physical aspect up until the moment when she accepted herself just like she was. I gave her a call and asked her to tell me about what she had been feeling when she didn’t feel ok about her physical aspect. She accepted. She told me in a shaky tone that, actually, she had always tried loving herself. However, there were obstacles, like bad people, who mocked her for her body. They were mocking her looks, a thing that fueled her own hatred, with no room for self-love. It was a happy case for her because she had met her husband.
The man that made her feel like the most beautiful and most loved. She started loving herself because of his love.
Meanwhile, I thought about calling someone that was always complaining about being too skinny. A colleague from University who always, and I mean always, uses the line “the jeans hang on my legs as they would on a fence.” We always tell her how lucky she is. This irritates her to the fullest and she starts saying that it’s not that great to be skinny. I talked to her and she had a spark in her voice when I told her that I want to hear how she is complaining about being too skinny. She explained to me that I cannot understand her because I’m not the one with the thigh gap, it isn’t me whose ribs show and I can relatively wear anything I want because my clothes fit. I didn’t contradict her, I wanted to hear her pain.
For some people, it’s very frustrating to be skinny as well.
Now, you know what I’ve told every aforementioned woman? I told them how beautiful they are and how special they are. I confessed that in my eyes they are fighters and examples, like you, the one who reads this now and thinks about the body part that doesn’t satisfy you. Woman, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! Love yourself just like you are, your body, don’t follow any standard. Every stretch mark, every hint of cellulite, the breasts that are not perfect, all of them are part of you! Accept that you’re wonderful and you don’t need to torment yourself or go for extreme solutions! Love yourself! You need to reach a point where you look in the mirror and smile. No one smiles at you more beautifully than yourself.
Author: Balan Patricia-Ioana