When we say ancient Greek myths, some of us might think about religious and really serious stories about wars, gods and mortals. And while a part of this statement is true, a ridiculously high amount of these myths are either nonsensical, peculiar or straight up hilarious. We’ve talked about Athena’s birth a little while ago, but we didn’t really dive into the pretty vast sea of myths. Shall we begin?
Zeus got his way with everyone and everything
You thought that Eros, the god of love, lust and sex, would try to get into everyone’s pants, but, in fact he was a pretty chill dude, in comparison to Zeus. Not once, but twice did Zeus disguised himself into a swan to sexually assault Leda and Nemesis.
In the “Leda and the Swan” ancient Greek myth, Zeus notices Leda, a beautiful princess and thought that the best way to win her heart is to transform into a swan and force himself on her. Oh, and from this traumatizing experience Leda had two sets of twins. Leda laid eggs and gave birth to her children, one of which was named Helen. Was that Helen of Troy? Yup!
The birth of Aphrodite was…weird
Ah, yes, the goddess of beauty, pleasure, passion and procreation. We’ve all seen this painting, “The birth of Venus” (Venus being her Roman name) and she is indeed a true beauty. What’s not so beautiful was her birth. So, Uranus (a.k.a Father Sky) and Gaia (a.k.a. Mother Earth) were married (and mother and son as well, yikes) and had their youngest son, Cronus who wanted to overthrown his father.
So, one day he sneaked up with a sickle in his hand, while Uranus was sleeping, and proceeded to castrate him. Then, Cronus threw his father’s severed testicles into the sea and a great amount of sea foam was formed. And, from this foam, a beautiful immortal was born, Aphrodite, along with this beautiful ancient Greek myth. Her birth was literally nuts…
The birth of Orion was even weirder
I get the ancient Greek myth birth of Aphrodite, to some point. There is a little bit of symbolism and it seems a little, just a little bit more reasonable. But Orion’s birth was on a bigger level.
Once upon a time, this dude named King Hyrieus was childless and Zeus, Poseidon and Hermes offered their help with this. They took a bull-hide (or bear skin, in some other variants), urinated on it, buried it and 10 months later, Orion was born. His name was derived from either “oros” (mountain) or…from “ourios”, which means urine. PEEutiful story, innit?
How was the centaur created?
Oh, boy, oh, boy this ancient Greek myth is really weird. So, one day Zeus took pity on an exiled criminal named Ixion and invited him to Olympus. And there, Ixion wanted to get down with Hera, Zeus’s wife and sister.
And what was the best idea in Zeus’s head? Create a cloud version of Hera to see how Ixion would react. Somehow, he impregnated that cloud-version of Hera and Zeus was so mad he transformed Ixion into a huge flaming wheel. And his cloud child was named Centaurus. Now, Centaurus was known for engaging into intimate relationships with…horses. Thus, the half-human half-horse creature, the centaur, was created.
Apollo, a dolphin…
So, Apollo, while maturing in four days, was not allowed to step outside a small island that he was isolated on. And he decided that he was sick of it and wanted to break free. Therefore, the most logical way of escaping an island was to transform himself into a dolphin and create a violent storm (‘cause that’s what dolphins do, apparently.
While doing so, he noticed a ship that was struggling and wanted to help. He hopped on board and grabbed the helm. He got the ship out of danger and navigated with it, while he was in his dolphin form.
Which is your favorite ancient Greek myth?