My thoughts are usually chaotic and my mind is a beautiful but messed up place, and journaling helps me a lot. So today I am sharing with you two entries from my journal.
Thoughts from February
*Some thoughts from yesterday morning
It’s a beautiful day.
The sky is clear; a faded shade of blue, it almost looks like it’s washed out – too white. But no clouds.
The sun is shining.
I was wrong. There were clouds: just one – and it covered the whole sky.
*Hours -and thoughts and breakdowns- later, this evening
Do I exist?
I think I’m getting worse.
Here I am again, with no hopes for the future. My family feels more like some people who live in the same house but have nothing in common.
Thoughts from March
I’ve been thinking way too much.
This is divine violence.
I find no purpose to anything at all. Is this my fate? Am I cursed to know I can do much more than people around me, but not being able to make anything out of it?
I have to find a way out of this.
Pieces of a fragile heart and thoughts of a sick mind.
I am haunted.
I am haunted by my noisy thoughts, by the dreams I stopped chasing.
I am haunted by all the lives I want to live but can’t.
A little explanation so people don’t think that I am actually losing my mind
Over the past few months, I wasn’t in a really good place. I was stressed because of school and I had this urge to know exactly what I wanted to do in the future. So I would stay awake every night trying to figure out which path to take. And every option, while looking like a good choice, it was more impossible than the previous one. Everything seems huge and I feel like a tiny creature, incapable of pursuing anything. A little truth that will probably make you feel less scared: everything takes time and a huge amount of work. So as long as you keep going and doing what you have to do, you shouldn’t worry.
Regarding my writing, I absolutely love sounding philosophical and being dramatic. If there is an opportunity to write something insanely dramatic (even in my own journal), I will take it. One of my main themes for everything that I write is the uncertainty of existence. I always tend to question everything and I look for answers everywhere; hence the question “Do I exist?”.
Overthinking, also known as “analysis paralysis”, is a process when overanalyzing a situation can cause the decision making to become paralyzed. Even though it is not a mental illness in the full sense of the word, it can affect your mental health more than you can imagine.
Getting rid of overthinking, just like smoking, is not easy once you start doing it. But to make sure you reduce or even stop it, you must start to see everything from an objective perspective: face the facts, see what fits and what doesn’t and let go of the catastrophic “What if?”. You will see a massive result once you stop taking every little thing personally. Nothing is meant to hurt you unless you take it as such. Stop trying to fix everyone around you Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
I overthink way too much and it is not healthy. But writing helps me sort out my thoughts, and I encourage you to put on paper your feelings if you find yourself in the same situation as me.